Deborah H. Tainsh Surviving the Folded Flag Author & Speaker for Military & Civilians

Meeting with Fort Sam Houston & Fort Hood Warriors in Transition

2010-11-11T20:41:00.000-08:00

On Sunday I arrived at San Antonio Airport and since have enjoyed spending time with a couple of my San Antonio Gold Star mom friends, Kim & Ruth, both moms of Marines KIA in Iraq. On Monday we visited the Warrior Transition Unit at Fort Sam. Because of Judith (far right) Fort Sams Warrior Transition and Family Center is one of the most spectacular WTB centers in the nation. And the surrounding landscape with butterfly gardens, waterfalls, and a golf green is a place of solitude and beauty.Sgt Griffin below was all smiles and humor even though he has recently had an leg amputated at the knee. We girls were provided a complete tour of the facility that included spending some time with LTC Beeks, commander of the Warrior Transition Unit. We were provided the tour by Captain Davis who was seriously injured from burns during an attack in Mosul in 2004. After spending 24 months at Walter Reed, and recovering from burns, there was no evidence that Captain Davis had experienced such injuries.His demeanor and attitude are incredible. Such a joy to spend time with.

(Below) Kim, Kimmie (Capt Davis wife) Captain Davis, Deb, & Ruth

Fort Hood, Warriors in Transition Social Workers (below)
My presentation of a "Benefits of Journaling" workshop Tuesday. Wonderful feedback

Nothing like walking into a Warrior Transition Day Room with a bag of "junk food" and some drinks to break the ice. "Who in here likes M & M's ?"

Veteran's Day 2010 Bulverde Texas

2010-11-11T19:07:00.000-08:00

The Definition of a Veteran:

A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank

check made payable to "The United States of America", for an amount of "up to and including their life."

To those veterans here with us today, you are extended the gratitude that can never be expressed enough or with enough appropriate words to honor you.

As the wife of a Vietnam veteran and retired USMC Sgt Major, and mom to U.S. Army Cavalry Scout, Patrick Tainsh KIA 2/11/04 in Baghdad, Iraq, I have seen up close and personal both the hardship and pride that resides within the men and women who have served in the past, the present, and all who will serve the United States of America in the future.

My heart breaks and of course my anger raises its head anytime I hear negative words from anyone regarding our military and my heart breaks that our children, unless they are military, have not an inkling of what the job takes and requires to be a part of the elite military services that stand watch to defend our nations against enemies that seek to destroy us.

I truly believe God hand picks those that sign that blank check that pays the price of up to and including their lives to protect our nation’s liberties and to bring liberty and safety to others.

It is not a politician that is a worthy ambassador to other countries, it is the Soldier, Airman, Sailor, Marine, or Coastguardsman that reflects the face of the real and true America, its average population, and its strength and compassion.

It is, always has been and always will be America’s military men and women that with a weapon in one hand, desert dust on their faces and boots, days without baths and sleep, wading through the waste of war that will with the other hand reach out to save a child in another country, a dog or cat, give medical aide to an enemy, sleep with a wounded child on his lap, cover the body of a friend from incoming fire, and say to you and me, “I’d rather go to the enemy and fight them on their turf, than have my family fighting them at home.”

Just as our veterans and all those serving us today signed a blank check to each of us for an amount up to and including their lives,

We as the citizens of every community in our nation owe a signed check back to them for an amount up to and including our love, respect, support and honor to them for being willing to do what the rest of us can’t even imagine.

Our men and women return to us from foreign countries with both visible and invisible wounds that we as a community must provide everything we can to help them heal and to let them know they can walk in their communities with heads held high.

Dr. Edward Tick who has worked for over 30 years with veterans says this:

“The severity and extent to which veterans suffer with PTSD is in direct proportion to our culture’s willingness to Welcome Home and care for its Warriors.”

Today, is the day to begin seeking every way possible to help our veterans, our warriors, to heal from the wounds they carry even after a war has ended.

In other cultures, including our native American Indians, rituals of purification and storytelling in the communities have been a part of their warrior’s healing process.

Our culture must realize that we to must recognize our veterans as warriors that we have the duty to assist to help remove any stigmas and guilts.

We can blame war on governments and politicians, but never on our military men and women who, now, volunteer to stand the line for our way of life.

My friend Ben Stein has written that we can do without Hollywood, a bank on every corner, super athletes, and movie stars, but we can never exist without the real stars, our men and women of the United States Armed Forces who stand to take the bullets, the RPGs, and the IEDs for us.

Yes, I am proud to be the wife of a veteran and mom of a soldier who laid down the last measure.

I am part of the elite of this country, the ones part of the less than one percent of our national population that have served a purpose larger than themselves on behalf of millions in our country and the countries of others.

One such warrior is a young Marine who today, 4 years ago, was buried at Fort Sam Houston after his death in Iraq, Nov 2, 2006. Lance Corporal Luke Benjamin Holler who grew up here in Bulverde Texas left behind a legacy and a message that his parents and siblings live by: “Every man dies, but few men really live.”

Our veterans of all decades have truly lived in a realm higher than any others can possibly comprehend.

Another young warrior, US Army Sgt Patrick Tainsh, left a message for his parents in the event of his death:

“As for me it was an honor to experience freedom. It was an honor to fight and die with an American flag on my shoulder. Honor, that’s a big word and people don’t know what it means. It’s not something that happens right away. It’s something that builds up inside your soul.”

On this Veterans Day, 2010, I pray that each person here who is not a veteran will stand tall for the veterans. The time is now to bring our veterans together, Welcome them Home with the honor and dignity that they above all others deserve.

For they are the ones who signed the blank check for each of us that includes the payment of up to and including their lives.

God bless each of you, our military still fighting wars, and our great United States of America.

Answered Prayer or God's Design?

2010-07-18T19:48:00.000-07:00

I know I've never ask so many questions, searched for so much understanding, or sought how not to feel so pained by words of good people that make me want to drown in tears as I have since my husband's only child and namesake, Sgt Patrick Tainsh was KIA 2/11/04 in Iraq.

No parent of a child killed in any manner would ever wish the grief and void of heart upon another. Those of us who stand by the wayside after receiving the news of the death of our children at war, remain supporters of those families still struggling with the stress and strain of their loved ones' deployments to war zones. We would even stand next to them, if asked, as their hero returns and walks toward them after their arrival back on U.S. soil. Even with our broken hearts, we are happy they are spared the dark pain of grief and can touch and speak with their child again.

My pain comes f rom wondering why as much care isn't given to us. Why do we have to receive the messages and hear the shouts, "Thank you Lord for answering my prayers!" after their loved ones have arrived safely home. Doesn't anyone realize how painful this is to us who can never touch or hear our child again?

Do they not know that is like as slap in the face, a punch in the gut, a boulder on our head because we scream inside and out, Why God? Why wasn't my prayer answered! Then someone says, "Well God answers some prayers and others, not." And I ask, what sense does this make? You mean God is somewhere switching his chin from one fist to the other thinking about whether or not He's going to answer our prayer to bring our kids or husbands home safe!

You mean the omnipotent God, all omniscent didn't know before our children were born how and when they would be taken from us, and hence, it was all those prayers and prayer warriors that did the trick instead of the fact that, "..you saw my body as it was formed. All the days planned for me were written in your book before I was one day old." Psalm 139:15-16

If this is true, then God did know us and our children and all loved ones before we were born and knows what will happen in our lives and the day that will be our last.

No, family members of fallen warriors would never want anyone else to feel the grief and pain that follows the death of a child at war or any other cause. It's an abyss that debilitates until we get through to the light again, but then we're never the same people we were before.

All we ask is that our grief not be enhanced and our faces not be pressed into words that make us feel that others received "special favor" from God, our same Father, and we didn't.

Envision this scene: "Whoopee, Dad gave me my prayer!! Whoopee, Dad is so good! Thanks every body for helping me talk Dad into answering my prayer! Oh what relief! Praise be to Dad!" While watching and listening is the sister or brother whose grief and pain rekindles to a rage because Dad didn't provide the same good favor for them.

All we ask is for consideration. And although our hearts are broken, because we owe it to our fallen children, their brothers and sisters in arms, and their families, we are more than willing and wanting to share in the joy of the return of others' warriors. We want to show the strength and courage our children showed the world.

We want those who received their children back to be thankful. We want them to shed tears of joy, to release the breath they've held while their loved one has been in a war zone. Just please remember, others of us prayed and believed as much and as hard as anyone else did whose loved one returned.

I'm not convinced it's prayer, no matter the number of words, or how many people pray, that keeps one person alive over another in a war zone, with disease, or other manners of death. I'm more able to believe all is due to that which God has already designed? For after all, He is the Alpha & Omega, the all knowing.

May our prayers be that our faith be sustained even in God's will to take as he also gives. May we pray as Jesus taught, Thy kingdom come, thy will be done...and add the words we all need: provide us the peace, strength, courage, and faith in the darkest moments of our life, and joy in the soul when we learn that only because it was meant to be that darkness passed us by.

JULY 4TH BOOK SIGNING @ BORDER'S BOOKS, PANAMA CITY BEACH, FLA

2010-07-08T06:06:00.000-07:00

I want to thank Amy and Erin of Borders Books at Pier Park, Panama City Beach for welcoming me to their store and being such wonderful hosts for my July 4th book signing. I appreciate all those who came by to visit with me. Some drove in from as far as 40 miles away because they heard me speaking on the Doc Washburn radio program on Friday. I met several Blue Star parents and grandparents, and heroes still serving in our Armed Forces. I also met a young man in town as part of the Campus Crusades Ministry who served with the 1st Armored Division which Patrick's 2nd Armored Cavalry Regiment was tied to, and who was in Baghdad at Baghdad International at the time of Patrick's death. God bless our military and families with peace, strength courage, and faith on this difficult journey!

My wonderful neighbor, Joanne

Former soldier with 1st Armored Division;

Blue Star Mom, Linda (Son, Special Ops)

Below: The Cushman's, drove in from Vernon, 40 miles away! have a son in law and 4 grandchildren serving our Country

Below: My cousin Melanie from Georgia and her significant other, Keven

Below: HM2 R. Webster, Navy Dive School, Medical DepartmentLeft: Friends, Donna & children, & Michelle

Below: New friends who drove in from Lynn Haven

Blue Star Moms Susie and Colleen

FREEDOM'S PRICE: Physical & Spiritual

2010-07-08T05:09:00.000-07:00

I was privileged to be the July 4 guest speaker at Parkway Presbyterian church here in Panama City, Florida

The following is the message I gave:

So you’ll know a bit about my denominational affiliation, let me put it this way:

I was born into the Pentecostal, with my first marriage I joined the Methodist, visited the Baptist across the street and sang in the choir, visited Catholic and Episcopalian, and since moving to Panama City, I’ve worshipped with Presbyterians. I’ve also visited with my African American friends in their church homes. And I’ve met wonderful persons of Jewish faith.

I’m glad to have had the opportunity to worship in each of these denominations throughout my life because it’s helped me to see God’s face and His work through the various differences. I believe this comes because the most important similarity is that we believe in the One Sovereign God and Creator who has a purpose for each of us. And for those of us of the Christian faith, it is God’s grace through His son Jesus that brings us salvation and spiritual freedom.

Speaking of Freedom, apropos for today, July 4th, I like to share a bit of Exodus and Moses humor...

Moses and his flock arrive at the sea, with the Egyptians in hot pursuit.
Moses calls a staff meeting. "Well, how are we going to get across the sea?" asked Moses. "We need a fast solution. The Egyptians are close behind us."
"Normally, I'd recommend that we build a pontoon bridge to carry us across," said the General Of The Armies, "but there's not enough time - the Egyptians are too close."
Normally, I'd recommend that we build barges to carry us across," said the Admiral Of The Navy, "but time is too short."
"Does anyone have a solution?" asked Moses.
Just then, his Public Relations man raised his hand.
"You!" said Moses, "You have a solution?"
"No," said the PR man, "but I can promise you this: If you can find a way out of this one, I can get you two or three full pages in the Old Testament..." copyrightOFFICEJOKES.NET

Exodus: 6:6: 7New Century Version:
“I am the Lord. I will save you from the hard work the Egyptians force you to do. I will make you free, so you will not be slaves to the Egyptians. I will free you by my great power…I will make you my own people, and I will be your God.”

Rev 21:1, 4, 6
There will be a new heaven and new earth. God will be with the people and will wipe away every tear and there will be no more death, sadness, crying or pain because all the old ways are gone. The one on the throne said “It is finished.” I am the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give free water from the spring of the water of life to anyone who is thirsty.

Through these scriptures, our Father, God, speaks to Moses in the Old Testament about bringing freedom to His people and in the New Testament He has provided a proclamation for a new heaven and earth where Eternal Freedom will be found from a list of oppressions. (I say this is an additional reason for a celebration of fireworks today!)

This promise in Revelation was made and is kept because of the sacrifice of a single man named Jesus who accepted the mission his Father asked of him to provide salvation for humanity.

Today, July 4, is our national date for recalling our founding fathers’ proclamation through the Declaration of Independence for our country’s freedom from oppression, a freedom created through the sacrifices of many both past and present, sacrifices that have allowed us to meet today in this place of worship.

By the way, how many of you knew that the only Christian Minister to sign the Declaration of Independence was Presbyterian Reverend John Witherspoon?

He gained greater reputation as a religious leader and educator than as a politician. Emigrating from Scotland to America in the midst of the controversy between the Colonies and the Crown, he took part in the Revolution, lost a son during the war in Germantown, Pennsylvania, and signed the Articles of Confederation as well as the Declaration. He is better known, however, for his role in the growth of the Presbyterian Church and for his distinguished presidency of the College of New Jersey (later Princeton University).

In thinking on our freedoms as Americans, I’m sure that each of you have heard this poem:

It's the soldier, not the reporter who has given us

Freedom of the Press.

It's the soldier, not the poet, who has given us

Freedom of Speech.

It's the soldier, not the campus organizer, who has given us the

Freedom to Demonstrate.

It's the soldier, not the lawyer, who has given us the

Right to a Fair Trial.

It's the soldier who salutes the flag, serves under the flag and

whose coffin is draped by the flag,

Who gives the protestor the right to burn the flag.

~Father Dennis Edward O'Brien, USMC

The sacrifices made for our country’s exodus to freedom that created the opportunity for us to worship in the place and manner we choose has come with decades of great pain, loss, and grief just as was experienced by the Israelites exodus for freedom from Egypt to the promise land.

It was because our founding fathers knew the Exodus story and how God used Moses to lead his people from the Pharoah that they believed it to be the greatest inspiration for the original 13 colonies to say to England: “Let our people go!” Moses has actually been referred to as America’s Prophet.

Through this connection, it is so very easy to understand why America was built on Judeo-Christian beliefs and why the Exodus, Moses, and Pharoah have been symbolic in America’s history, especially seen in the American Revolution and our history of slavery and freedom.

In my personal journey as a person blessed to be born under the Natural Freedoms in America that were paid for by sacrifices of those who lived before me, I never dreamed I’d be married to a U.S. Marine or become mom to a U.S. Army Soldier.

Now, I’ll let you do a bit of math: I was in 7th grade when my husband was in Vietnam helping to fight for Freedom against communism.

However, after I grew up, he found me in Georgia while he was on leave after returning from a deployment in Japan. We married, and in 1990 I sent him off to the First Gulf War to help others ensure Freedom remained in place for the people of Kuwait when evil invaded their country.

In April, 2003, my husband and I sent a son, US Army Cavalry Scout Sgt Patrick Tainsh, to help secure Freedom for the people of Iraq while helping keep at bay enemies who want to destroy freedoms of America.

To prove there’s always hope, this was our former rebellious snow-boarding surfer-dude with dred-locks and earrings who swore he’d never follow his dad’s footsteps into the military.

We were and still are so proud of Patrick’s decision to serve a purpose greater than himself. He became part of the less than 1% of our nation’s population who voluntarily sign a blank check for payment up to and including their life to pay for the cost of freedom for each of us and others in foreign countries.

In February, 2004, my husband and I experienced the reality of personal sacrifice and cost of Freedom when Patrick was killed in Iraq. He died from wounds he had received but told no one about because he was true to his commitment to sacrifice himself if it was necessary to save the lives of his brothers. And we all know John: 15:13: “Greater love hath no man than this: that a man lay down his life for his friends.”

I’m not going to dwell on Patrick’s story, although I’d love for you to learn more about him and that of others who have sacrificed for us through my books: Heart of a Hawk and Surviving the Folded Flag: Parents of war share stories of coping, courage, and faith.

What I do want to dwell on is how we find Freedom from the negative effects of the tragedy in our lives.

It’s been said that the death of a child is the most “cruel of all losses” because the death of a child is the unnatural order of things in a parent’s world; and that with the death of a child comes the death of part of a parent’s future.

Although I love God and believe in the sacrifice of His son for my Spiritual and eternal Freedom, I’m not going to stand here and tell you that I wasn’t angry at my Dad with screaming at him (that’s the kind words) after my family was brought into the torture chamber of grief.

I so feared my husband’s state of mind that I hid his pistol.

I would sit on my back porch in Georgia and cry and beg for understanding and ask Why us?

Of course, after more than a six year journey, I now know that the correct question is “Why Not Us?”

Two weeks after Patrick’s memorial service, in an emergency room where we waited the typical seven hours for helpful information, we learned that my husband had a 4.2 abdominal aortic aneurysm.

I returned home and stood in the back yard and screamed again at God while digging into the red Georgia brick-hard clay with post-hole diggers.

Now with time, that didn’t turn out so bad, the holes were used to plant flowers that became a beautiful garden and I gained some extra needed muscle mass in my arms!

However, our world had other pieces falling apart. As time passed, the beautiful young lady that we adored and who was to be our daughter in law had to move on with her life.

This is called the domino effect for parents…we not only lost a child, we lost everything and everyone ever to be attached to his future. The void is indescribable and the pain at times debilitating and understood only by others who have suffered the same loss.

And with learning that term, domino effect, I now see visions of those black and while dominoes my grandparents had when I was a kid and how when set up a certain way and touched they just go falling down atop one another one at a time! I’m just waiting to come across a set of those so I can throw them on the floor and stomp on them.

I've repeated often the cliche', "Life just isn't fair." Then God placed someone on my path at provided me with a message that has lent me a spirit and mind changing attitude:

Genesis: 4:6-7 when cain was angry because his brother Abel's sacrifice was accepted and Cains's was not, the Lord asked Cain, "Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted?"

Hebrews: 11:36-39 tells us: "Without faith, it is impossible to please God." And the writer shows proof by discussing all who have lived by faith, yet they faced jeers and flogging, chains, prison and stoning. They were put to death by the sword, were destititute, persecuted, and mistreated. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and lived in holes in the ground.

And for all their faith and suffering, "None of them received what they had been promised"...entry to the promised land, because it was not of earthly things that God spoke, it was as Hebrews 11:40 spoke: "God planned to give us something better so that they could be made perfect."

To me this is validation that it is only our faith in God to believe in and grasp our spiritual freedoms beyond life on earth that brings us peace and calm.

So much of life doesn't seem fair even though we live in the most free and wealthy country in the world. We go to church, show our faith, do "all the right things" but that isn't what it's all about. Our good workds do not earn us a perfect smiley trouble free life on planet earth because it's about "having faith and pleasing God through that faith even when we experience the greatest darkness in our lives. For we cannot truly know the love and hand of God until we experience the darkness and hold to faith in the journey through.

The beauty of a relationship with God is that He allows us the Freedom to be angry and to say anything we want to say and to feel any way we want to feel about Him through our worst experience, Because His Big Shoulders are big enough to take our anger and raging as He waits on us to receive from Him Freedom from the torture of grief, anger, and confusion.

One of my favorite Psalms is: 51: 8 & 10: “Make me hear sounds of joy and gladness; let the bones you crushed be happy again. (10) Create in me a pure heart, God, and make my spirit right again.”

My husband and I are six plus years into our journey now. A journey where through much struggle and holding on to mustard seeds of faith through prayer and seeking during the greatest darkness of our lives, we have been freed and found our Declaration of Independence from the grips of tyrannical grief and the abyss it could have buried us in.

And this declaration came only through allowing God’s Spirit to lead us on the path that used our experience as parents of a fallen warrior to help others grieving for the same reasons.

This declaration was one that taught us to take our eyes from ourselves and place them on others so that we could find our own comfort and blessings.

Psalm 57: 1-3 “Be merciful to me, God; be merciful to me because I come to you for protection. Let me hide under the shadow of your wings until the trouble passes. I cry out to God Most High to the God who does all for me. He sends help from heaven and saves me. God sends me his love and truth.”

God has surely sent to me and my husband His love, truth and freedom from the teeth of grief through the words and actions of many earthly angels that have serendipitously crossed David’s and my path. He has provided earth angels to become a part of our family that were not so before Patrick’s death, and He has sent others to lead us where God wants us to be on this journey, even though we didn’t volunteer to sign up for this particular trip!

Yes, our lives are forever changed. We have struggled along with others we know on this journey to learn to “carry on” in our “new norm”.

As another mom wrote to me: “We are learning to live with the scar tissue that now surrounds the hole in our heart.”

Every day is not the most pleasant of days in this natural world where so much negativity fills life, but freedom from being tied down in troubles of living comes through our Spiritual Freedom, our relationship with our Heavenly Father through prayer, meditation, and scriptures of love, peace, hope, and promises.

There is a saying that (most grieving don’t like to hear) that time heals…but I’ve learned there’s more to those words…it’s not time that heals, but what we do with that time that makes a difference.

Once I allowed God to lay in my heart what He would have me and Dave do to let Him shine through us in the darkness, and help us manage our grief, we were Freed and led into blessings for ourselves and others.

We became peer grief mentors to other parents of fallen warriors across the country and have two books published with a third being prepared for the printer.

These books help to keep the legacies of fallen warriors alive while sharing stories of the coping, courage, and faith of their families.

And most important and my favorite yet, God has allowed me to take our testimony to others, to say yes, this life is difficult, it ain’t no bed of roses.

Often we feel that just about the time we get over the hill, something knocks us backwards, like Sisyphus of Greek mythology. This was a king whose judgment after his death was the frustration of repeating over and over again the rolling of a huge boulder to the top of a mountain only for the boulder and he to roll back to the bottom each time he almost reached the top.

But, after all, this is planet earth. It is our temporary home… which reminds me of one of my favorite Carrie Underwood songs:

“This is my temporary home,

It’s not where I belong,

Windows & rooms that I’m passing through,

A temporary stop on the way to where I’m going

I’m not afraid because I know, this is my temporary home.”

And while we have to endure wars and rumors of wars and suffer the sacrifices by our military necessary for Freedom in our natural world so we can enjoy our freedom of worship without assault or threat of death,

We also have THE ONE to go to who sacrificed for our spiritual freedom and eternal life,

and here’s my poem I wrote about that One to correlate with the poem I read about the Soldier:

It is the Grace of God, not the material world that provides freedom from fear.

It is the Grace of God, not the use of drugs that provides freedom from grief.

It is the Grace of God, not man alone that provides freedom from hatred.

It is the Grace of God, not abuse that provides freedom from anger.

It’s by the Grace of God, who gave His Son

Who died for the sins of the world, who defeated death for the world,

And is the light of the world

Who gives each person freedom from the darkness of this world.

Let Freedom Ring are words we know from one of our most famous national songs:

Samuel Francis Smith wrote the lyrics to “My Country Tis of Thee” in 1831,[3] while a student at the Andover Theological Seminary in Andover, Massachusetts.

The song was first performed in public on July 4, 1831,[3] at a children's Independence Day celebration at Park Street Church in Boston

While each of us are so very blessed and proud to be living the American Dream with our freedom to worship, speak, and experience other rights because men and women we love have sacrificed greatly to make it so for us and those in other countries,

May we always declare first the most important truth: We can truly Let Freedom Ring when we live in the true freedom provided by grace through God the Father and His son Jesus.

And we can never earn this Grace through any work we do, but only through our faith.

And when we find ourselves slipping back down the mountain we’re constantly climbing or feeling oppressed by the darkness that exists in our natural world, let us celebrate our spiritual and eternal freedom through remembering the scriptures I began with:

Exodus: 6:6: 7New Century Version: “I am the Lord. I will free you by my great power…I will make you my own people, and I will be your God.”

Rev: 21:1,4,6 “There will be a new heaven and new earth. God will be with the people and will wipe away every tear and there will be no more death, sadness, crying or pain because all the old ways are gone. The one on the throne said “It is finished.” I am the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give free water from the spring of the water of life to anyone who is thirsty.

I ask God’s special blessing for each of you today as you leave this place and celebrate your natural, spiritual, and eternal freedoms, provided by the Grace of God through His son, Christ Jesus and the great men and women who serve in the United States Military.

And I ask that our nation’s military families be filled with the peace, strength, courage, and faith that comes only through our Creator and Father, God.

Be Blessed
Deb T
http://www.survivngthefoldedflag.com/

Learning to "Carry On" through The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors of Military Personnel

2010-06-09T11:50:00.000-07:00

During the 2005 Memorial Weekend, a year after Patrick's death in Iraq, Dave & I learned about the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors of military personnel, http://www.taps.org/ headquartered in D.C. That year we had a small parents group gathered in a room to share our stories and validate emotions linked to being "parents of war." Unfortunately, this year 2010, our visit back to TAPS led us to be among over 1000 family members and 350 children of military personnel who have died in service to the United States.

Although the annual national military survivors seminar is not an event anyone wants to be a part of, for those of us who have suffered the death of a loved one while serving their country, TAPS is our true home. A place where we meet others who have walked the journey before us and those who have walked the journey after us.

After opening ceremonies on Friday morning with guest speaker, Chairman of Joint Chiefs of Staff Admiral Mullen, the weekend offered various seminars for spouses, parents, siblings, friends, and most special the Good Grief Camp for Young Survivors where children of our deceased military can learn to share their emotions with other children while learning to smile again and celebrate the life and pride of their fallen parent. With picnics and visits to historical sites around D.C., music, song, and laughter our fallen heroes' children do find peace and joy on the shoulders of Good Grief Camp volunteer mentors there to help them in their journey.

To top all of that one other very special treat for the kids (and adults) was a visit from Klinger, a real horse that serves in the Caisson Platoon at Arlington National Cemetery. This came after Gold Star mom and friend, Betsy Beard, author, and illustrator, Shelley Johannes, debuted the new children's book called, Klinger, A Story of Honor and Hope, based on Klinger and his service to families of the fallen. All proceeds from sales of this beautiful book benefit TAPS and can be purchased at the TAPS Online Store http://www.taps.org/.

Adults had the opportunity to reach out to one another and share their stories at various workshops. I was privileged to facilitate a journaling/writing workshop where we all shared why we wanted to write about our loved ones, the difficulty in doing so, but the end result of having a written legacy if we could break through the veil of grief and put words from our heads onto paper.

After providing a guide sheet with questions that anyone could respond to and begin their stories, most in the room began to write although a few still struggled which was okay. Every individual has to work through their grief in their own way and time. But at least everyone took a guide sheet home with them that when time comes, they can begin placing thier words and thoughts into their own story.

Another special time at TAPS was to debut my new book, Surviving the Folded Flag: Parents of war share stories of coping, courage, and faith. This work of four years is a compilation of essays from more than 25 parents who received the dreaded news that their child had died in military service. These invaluable stories show how today's military families are surviving the folded flag and give a glimpse into the lives of fallen service members as Gold Star parents tell the stories and celebrate the lives of their fallen heroes. Surviving also includes advice for other Gold Star families, their friends, and family members. Proceeds from Surviving helps TAPS families.

A couple of strong supporters of TAPS came to meet, speak, and sing to us. Larry Gatlin, the legendary country music star was a delight to meet. He provided me time to share with him the history of the Blue and Gold Star service flags. And long time TAPS supporter, Ben Stein, provided words once again at the Saturday evening dinner about who the "Real Stars" are in our country...they are the military members holding the line against evil that wants to destroy our country, and the families who love and support them.

There were several wonderful things that happened that had to be Divine Providence.
While several workshops were in progress, I was in the vendor room at the table with our books, Heart of a Hawk & Surviving the Folded Flag. Two ladies strolled toward me and I greeted them. As our conversation progressed and I learned this was the aunt and mom of a fallen hero, August 2009, Afghanistan, we shared a few thoughts, tears, and discussion with the mom of how she wished she could talk with some of her son's friends, although the unit was still in Afghanistan. After I learned that her son was with a unit out of Ft. Lewis, Washington, I smiled and told her I had a friend there, a chaplian's wife, that I would contact to see if we could get help. Long story short, when I called my friend later that evening and shared the story about this mom and her wish, I learned that my friend's husband was attached to the unit that this mom's son was part of. In light of this, we've been able to set up some communications between this mom and her son's unit.

Another experience came after my husband found himself in a conversation with a dad whose son had taken his own life. Dave learned from the dad that his wife was struggling and wasn't ready to attend the TAPS survivors weekend. As the day went on, Dave found himself in conversation with a mom whose son had taken his own life. After hearing her story, Dave asked if he could introduce her to a dad dealing with the same type loss and maybe get connected to the dad's wife.

Of course, we don't know the outcome of these two parent's conversation or what happened afterwards, for that belongs to God. But what a wonderful feeling to know God could use us to bring individuals together for common bonds.

Our meeting these other moms and dads just shows how important TAPS is for those of us who have been placed on a path that leads us there. Through TAPS we are a bonded family learning to live our "new norm" by the TAPS motto: "Remember the love, celebrate the life, and share the journey."

"HAPPY' Memorial Weekend???

2010-06-09T09:12:00.000-07:00

First, regarding Memorial Day weekend, I have to ask those "outside the wire" of loving someone who died fighting in the wars for freedom of this country or who died as a veteran of wars, please remove the word "Happy" from in front of Memorial Day. Consider the families who received a flag drapped casket back from a war of yesterday or today. In some of those caskets are no more than an empty uniform because the loved one's earthly body was destroyed in a bombing that left nothing. Consider the veterans who have died weary in mind and spirt from the memories they could never release even years upon years later.

Please remember that Memorial Day is a day to stop for a few moments and give reverence to those who fought and died knowing they sacrificed to create and to date preserve the freedoms of America. It is a day to be thankful for the brave who died figthing in our place while we also enjoy the beauty of family, cookouts, the beach, the mountains, and shining sea.

But it is not a day to throw around the cliche' "Happy Memorial Day!" With balloons everywhere...if someone can share with me why it is "Happy" and make me understand, then I'll rewrite this colum. It is a day we remember the dead, those who no longer share our lives here on planet earth, although I've no doubt their spirits linger. I just ask, please remember, your neighbor may be in pain with grief over a fallen hero, don't hurt them more by the use of a word than isn't appropriate. Give thought and speak from the heart of reason.

Praise for Oakland Terrace Elementary School's Magic Garden

2010-06-09T08:41:00.000-07:00

On Monday, May 24, it was a delight and honor to be a speaker for the Honor & Remember ceremony held at Oakland Terrace Elementary school in Panama City, Florida. Michele Creel is the art teacher for students who have a Magic Garden created outside the school room door. The magic garden began several years ago with various items created by children and others, such as the tree of life. Then there are the butterfly boxes and butterfly plants. A painted dolphin greets visitors inside the gate as one steps onto the beautiful mosaic footpath also the work of Ms. Creel's students. But what is most special is the arbor where this beautiful hand crafted path leads to. A special arbor built and placed in the magic garden by Charlie Thompson, a volunteer at the school during months he and his wife Barb come from the cold season of Minnesota to the warmer climate of Panama City Beach.

It was August 6, 2007 when Charlies & Barb's son, SSgt Jacob Thompson, of the 1st Bn, 23rd Inf Regiment, 3rd Brigade, 2nd Infrantry Division (Stryker Brigade Combat team) from Fort Lewis, Washington was killed in Iraq. When Ms. Creel learned of this great loss, she wanted to know what could be done for Charlie and Barb, volunteers who provided pizza for the art kids and helped keep with the magic garden.

When Charlie returned from Minnesota he asked to build and place an arbor of honor in the garden to not only become a special place of remembrance for his son Jacob, but for other heroes who gave their lives while serving in the United States Armed Forces.

After my husband and I moved into the neighborhood where Charlie and Barb lived during the winter months, of course we met and Charlie made it a point that our Patrick's name be added to the arbor of remembrance. It is with this year 2010, that Dave and I had the privilege to be a part of the school ceremony on Monday, May 24. Unfortunately Charlie & Barb had to return to Minnesota for a family emergency before the 24th. But I was so pleased and honored that after conversations with Ms. Creel, I was asked to say a few words that day.

So, after giving thought to what I should say after thanking the princpal, teachers, and students for such a wonderful Magic Garden that also remembered heroes, I chose to tell the history of the Blue and Gold Star service flags that represent military families who have loved ones serving and those who die while wearing the uniform of our military. Afterwards, I presented a Blue Star service flag to the school principal and asked that children be taught the meaning of this symbol that was lost to history after WWII.

Panama City News Herald Article...Military Moms & Mother's Day

2010-05-13T06:40:00.000-07:00

Thank you Daniel Carson for a beautiful news story on May 9, Mother's Day about my new book, Surviving the Folded Flag: Parents of war share stories of coping courage & faith.

It is a pleasure to know and work with you.

www.newsherald.com/news/day-83708-military-moms.html

Life, Learning, Friendship, & Service

2010-05-12T20:49:00.000-07:00

On Tuesday evening, May 11, I was honored to be the guest speaker for the Panama City Theta Zeta chapter of Beta Sigma-Phi. The original organization founded in 1931was created from the need to bring women together for exposure to social, cultural, and educational experiences. During World War II members worked together and raised 22 million in war bonds. With the passing of decades and the motto, Life, Learning, & Friendship, the organization currently reports 200,000 members in chapters around the world and continues to be a women's organization that develops life long friendships and provides service to communities.

The Theta Zeta chapter meets monthly and their service projects provide needs for the Panama City Rescue Mission and Bethel Village Women's Shelter.

I want to thank member Marilyn Redd for extending the invitation for me to speak to the group and for providing a wonderful dinner of her fantastic homemade lasagna. Everyone made me feel right at home and gave me their full attention as I shared the history of Blue and Gold Star Service Flags, issues faced by families of loved ones killed while serving in our nation's armed forces, and how faith and bonding together has helped our grieving military families cope with losses.

I especially appreciate the members purchasing copies of my book, Heart of a Hawk, which provides funds that support organizations that help our military families and wounded warriors.

Deb Speaks to Wounded Warriors at Emerald Grande Resort at HarborWalk Village, Destin Fla May 8

2010-05-12T17:01:00.000-07:00

Gold Star Mom, Deb Tainsh, Speaks to Wounded Warriors in Destin, Fla

Wounded Warriors hosted by Destin Emerald Grande at HarborWalk Village May 7, 8, 9

2010-05-12T16:15:00.000-07:00

Blue Star mom Penny Pinkham of Fort Walton, Florida is one of my new heroes. Just a couple of months ago, with a dream to bring wounded warriors from Fort Hood, Texas to our beautiful Emerald Coast in Destin, Florida for a weekend retreat, she stepped out on faith and angels came flocking. Penny approached Director of Sales Frank Sandro at the most beautiful and my favorite resort in Destin, the Emerald Grande at HarborWalk Village. Frank in turn spoke with General Manger, Bruce Craul who didn't hesitate to say yes to providing 50 rooms, spa treatments, food, and fishing excursions on the resort's The Sloop fishing boat. Frank also contacted other business owners at HarborWalk Village that also contributed to providing events for the wounded warriors.

Penny also contacted Cindy Maney, President of Northwest Florida Blue Star Mothers, to seek help with all the details involved in bringing the event together. Well, what an event it was on Saturday and Sunday May 8th and 9th. My Blue Star mom friend, Colleen Greene whose son is currently serving in Afghanistan had provided my name to Penny to be considered for speaking. And, WAHLAH! Following words by the Mayor of Destin, I was honored to be a part of the Saturday evening Red, White, and Blue celebration and spoke to the warriors for a few minutes.

Special inspirational speaker was wounded warrior Lt. Clebe McClary, USMC 1st Recon Platoon 1967 -1968 Vietnam, author of the book, LIVING PROOF, along with his beautiful wife of 42 years, Deanna. Clebe shared his story from Vietnam that cost him an arm, an eye, and fingers on his remaining hand. How he withstood over 40 operations and 2 years in a hospital while his wife remained steadfast from then through to today. His message is one of courage, endurance, and faith to today's wounded warriors.

Signs for the event were created by elementary school students of Okaloosa County.

Blue Star mom, Colleen Greene (far left), Blue Star Mom Cindy Maney (glasses), and Gold Star Mom Glenda Penton

Deb with Wounded Warriors before dinner at poolside.

Presentation at Bay County Patriots, Panama City, Florida

2010-05-05T18:39:00.000-07:00

Deb & Bay Patriots President, Former U.S. Navy, & Patriot Guard Rider, Patrick T. Moore

Mom Brunie Kosta and son, Junior Patriot, Austin

Patriot, former U.S. Airforce, and local radio talk show host, Burnie Thompson introducing Deb

Bay Patriots of Panama City, Florida is a self supported organization founded in 2009. The organization is comprised of local citizens who advocate for constitutional freedom and liberty through education, seminars, handing out copies of the constitution and holding government accountable.

On Tuesday evening, May 4, I was honored to be guest speaker at the monthly meeting held at Mosely High School. Patriot and former Air Force Captain, now local radio talk show host, Burnie Thompson, introduced me to a group of over 100 citizens that included a number of Junior Patriots.

As photos from Patrick's tour in Iraq and his memorial service held at in Baghdad crossed the screen behind me, I gave a brief history of Blue and Gold Service Star flags followed by the following talk:

At the end of this month, those of us who truly understand its significance will be recognizing Memorial Day, a day originally called Decoration Day that began in 1868 following the end of our country's civil war.

The aftermath of this war spread the blood of over 600,000 dead across America. Hearts were empty except for grief, homes and property were destroyed, and broken bodies returned to whatever place was called home. Townspeople in communities across the country began visiting the local graves of their fallen to remember and honor them by decorating the resting places with flowers, wreaths, and crosses.

On May 30, 1868, for the first time, flowers were placed on the graves of Union and Confederate soldiers at Arlington National Cemetery.

After World War I, the holiday changed from honoring just those who died fighting in the Civil War to honoring Americans who died fighting in any war. Unfortunately, over the years, the meaning of the traditional observances of Memorial Day has dimished.

After World War II, a war that cost 407,316 American lives to stop the spread of Hitler's savagery and to defend ourselves against the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor, our country moved forward.

Subsequent generations were born into the most fee and prosperous nation on earth. And unfortunately these generations have grown into the "I, me" crowd where the majority know little about sacrificing for the American way of life they are blessed with.

During the America Revolution, rag tag militia fought and died in tattered clothes and barefeet in winter's snow to help create a free nation. Wealthy men willingly became paupers, giving up homes and fortunes in the fight for independence to build a republic for the people, by the people.

To date, over one million have died on behalf of this country, including our current wars in Afghanistan and Iraq.

Military families of all generations have suffered greatly as they have stood behind and for the loved ones willing to serve their country and defend its constitution against all enemies foreign and domestic. As a military family of the 21st century, my husband and I and those like us have not only striven to learn to live with the death of a child in war, but we've had to learn to live being on the world stage with controversial politics and opinions debated in the hallways of the world.

We've had to learn to live with protestors and their malicious signs standing near our fallen children's funeral services. We've had to live with questions like, "why did you let your son join the military in the first place?"

Military families have learned to live with the fact that we are part of the less than one percent of our national population that serves, sacrifices, and protects the rest. As part of this less than one percent, our Blue and Gold Star families often remain apart, sometimes feeling alienated from the rest of the population.

Since the death of our son, Sgt Patrick Tainsh in Iraq 2/11/04, I've worked with other parents of fallen heroes and compiled a new book. Surviving the Folded Flag: Parents of war share stories of coping, courage, and faith, which will release to the public by Memorial Weekend, is a work of love to share the journeys of 20 other families and the bio of their fallen heroes. My dream for this work is provide other grieving families a source to validate their emotions and emotional roller coaster ride after the death of a loved one at war, to keep the legacies of these fallen heroes alive, and provide profits from book sales to wounded warrior projects and The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors of military personnel.

A mom from Merritt Island, Fla wrote in her story for Surviving that over Memorial Weekend 2008 she and her husband visited Arlington where their son, Captain Christopher Kenny now rests since his death in Iraq. Jackie says that as they walked through Arlington and visited older graves, they stopped at the resting place of Air Force General Oliver Wendel Lewis. On the headstone was etched: "Let not my death diminish your llife, walk in the world for me."

This is now our duty, to walk in the world for each of the heroes who gave all so we can live the American dream. The Bay Patriots is an incredible example of walking in the world for our fallen heroes. They honor our fallen, wounded, and those still serving and their families through their efforts to remind a community about our founding fathers and mothers and the constitution.

Although a great nation founded on Judeo-Christian teachings, we are not a perfect nation and building our country did not go with out the pain of slavery and a war that changed the course for others. We did not go without the pain of the Trail of Tears that brought destruction to our native American Indians.

But aside from government inadequacies in building this nation and the 19th century bellief in Manifest Destiny, Americans are a good and compassionate people. We are the 911 call center for the world and provide more funds to help rescues others than any other country.

Our men and women in uniform are the greatest ambassadors to other nations than any one else as is shown in the stories of Surviving the Folded Flag.

Our country has problems that need correcting and roots we need to return to, but the greatest percentage of our population still believes in a Creator and God given right to freedom. Men and women have shed their blood to create a country free to worship and pray with tolerance.

When Dave, I and several other families met with President George Bush on January 11, 2007 at Ft. Benning, Georgia, a Gold Star dad ask if he could say a prayer for the President and our country. We all held hands in a circle that included the President.

Before the prayer was offered, President Bush told us tht he considered himself the most fortunate leader in the entire world because he was the only leader who could depend on the prayers of his people. And that he and Laura depended on those prayers to get through each day.

We all carry heavy hearts about things affecting our country and lives on this journey on the continuum of history. But we also have strength through the Creator who is still in control. I can't believe that our Creator, who has brought our country so far and through so much turmoil in past centuries, will not help us conquer current difficulties.

So, to Bay Patriots of Panama City, Florda and all organizations and individuals working to keep our nation free and a beacon to others, thank you for all you do.

I ask God's blessing on each of you, our valiant warriors still serving in the fight against terrorism, their families, and on this still great nation.

The Chaplain

2010-05-01T05:58:00.000-07:00

Deborah & Chief of Staff Colonel Kafia Jones
335th Signal Command

Deb & Col John Powledge

Deb & Col John Powledge with advance copy

Surviving the Folded Flag: Parents of war

share stories of coping, courage, & faith

April 29, 2010, 7:30 a.m., I sat in the conference room at Embassy Suites, Garden Grove, California as a cvilian guest speaker for the chaplains of the U.S. Army 335th Signal Command headquartered in East Point, Georgia.

Known as Ready Lightening, the 335th Signal Command (Theater) is responsible for managing telecommunications infrastructure for Southwest Asia, an area covering 25 countries, in support of the U.S. Third Army/Army Central Command (ARCENT) and U.S. Central Command's (CENTCOM) peacetime and contingency operations. The command ensures deliver of seamless, enterprise-level command control, communications, computers and information management services as required by Army Network Operations (NETOPS). www.usar.army.mil/335thSig)

So, how did a Gold Star mom become part of the 335th Signal Command conference for chaplains? I owe the honor to Command Chaplain John Powledge who believed in me.

After the death of our son, Sgt Patrick Tainsh, KIA 2004 in Baghdad, with time, military.com began publishing my op-eds in support of our troops. Subsequently, I received an e-mail one day from Chaplain Powledge who was in Theater at the time. He thanked me for the positive messages I wrote to support the troops and in return provided notes of compassion and support to me and my husband, USMC Sgt Maj (ret) David Tainsh, in the wake of Patrick's death.

With negative media filling our homes in the U.S., Chaplain Powledge provided us with positive messages about successes and progress in Iraq. Even with his hands full with his own unit matters, he took the time to communicate with us. The chaplain connected me with his wife, Annette, in McDonough, Georgia and shared he had a son serving in the U.S. Army. After the chaplain returned stateside, he and Annette invited Dave and me to their home for dinner. From this point, an enduring friendship began that has been important to my family.

Why? When Patrick was killed, Dave and I lived 20 miles from Ft. Benning, Ga. Our notification officer and Army chaplain arrived at 6:00 a.m. the morning of February 12, 2004. After the awkward and frightful message they brought, my husband and I never received a single follow-up call from the chaplain. In our daze and with no family except my son, Phillip, I called a couple of acquaintances to tell them the news and see if they could come to our home.

Dave and I didn't have a church family or pastor. (This doesn't mean we're not spiritual or don't believe in our great Father in Heaven) I was lost at what to do. Our casualty notification officer called the next morning, but his help was limited because in 2004 he nor I knew exactly what protocol was. Patrick's death was one of the first 700 in Iraq and casualty notification and assistance was at the time still behind in its effectiveness. We managed to put together a memorial service for Patrick after his arrival from Dover, AFB to Columbus, GA, but I realized too late that we had no Army chaplain for his service. No one had asked if we needed assistance in this area, and in such dark grief, and no knowledge of exact protocol, Dave and I couldn't function to ask all we should have. So, the husband of an acquaintance, a retired minister, presided over the service.

As time passed, I always felt that Patrick's memorial service was not all it should have been becaue we didn't have an Army chaplain preside. In 2009, when Dave and I moved from Georgia to Panama City Beach, Florida into our new home, I contacted Chaplain Powledge and Annette to see if they would join us at our home with others for a dinner and salute to Patrick on the 5th anniversary of his death. I asked the chaplain if he would provide a time of prayer to bless our new home and provide words for Patrick in the room where his portrait and medals hung.

Chaplain Powledge, the chaplain who comforted me from in theater through e-mail, drove six hours to our home with a prayer of God's blessing for us and Patrick. The event brought a measure of closure to our wounded hearts.

So what does all this have to do with my speaking to chaplains at the 335th Signal Command conference? My new book, Surviving the Folded Flag: Parents of war share stories of coping, courage, & faith, a project of love for the past 4 years, will release just before Memorial Day Weekend, 2010. Chaplain Powledge was kind enough to read the original manuscript and wrote a forward of personal support because he believes in the powerful messages of the families and soldiers represented in the work. My publisher created advance copies of Surviving for the chaplain to provide each chaplain and chaplain's assistant at the conference.

Chaplain Powledge's belief in my work since 2005 to bring messages of support to our troops, honor for the wounded and fallen, and support to the families that love them, led him to have me as a guest speaker for the event where I shared raw stories about family pain and struggles after the casualty notification officer brings the message and how the chaplain can play an important roll afterwards.

Chaplain Powlede epitomizes the military chaplain and the importance chaplains hold to the military personnel and families who have sacrificed their greatest treasure.

So, to the chaplain and all others who have made a difference for military service members or Gold Star families, thank you, although it is such an inadequate expression.

OPENING CEREMONy WOUNDED WARRIOR BEACH RETREAT http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-p7mo9_9f4

2010-04-23T13:40:00.000-07:00

The following youtube link is video I took of the beginning of the opening ceremony to honor wounded warriors and family members from across the country for the 2nd annual Warrior Beach Retreat on Thursday evening, April 22, 2010 at Panama City First Baptist Church, Panama City Florida. Be patient with the beginning music to give time for the entrance of the warriors.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-p7mo9_9f4

Meeting Ret COL Danny McKnight...Black Hawk Down

2010-04-23T06:25:00.000-07:00

If you read my previous post about opening ceremonies on Thursday evening of the 2nd annual Warrior Beach Retreat here in Panama City/Panama City Beach, Fla, you saw that the guest speaker was Col Danny McKnight of Black Hawk Down.

I was so happy that Dave and I were able speak with him. What a wonderful, sincere individual who opens his heart and hands to any military man, woman, or family member.

Col McKnight has a new book due to release in a couple of weeks called: In the Streets of Mogadishu: Leadership at its Best, Political Correctness at its Worst

Wounded Warrior Beach Retreat 2010

2010-04-23T05:01:00.000-07:00

Dedicated mothers can always be depended on to work tirelessly in honor of their children, especially when that child has sacrificed selflessly above and beyond in the call of duty on behalf of a nation and strangers they'll never know. The dedicated mom I want to praise today and to share with everyone is my neighbor, Linda Cope, whose son Josh, a U.S. Army soldier, is a double amputee from his wounds in Iraq. Since Josh's return home and his recovery even to become a husband and dad, Linda has worked tirelessly to provide an annual beach retreat for wounded warriors from around the country. On Thursday evening, April 22, with the help of the Bay County, Panama City and PCBeach, Florida community, opening ceremonies for the 2nd annual Wounded Warrior Beach Retreat were held at First Baptist Church of Panama City. More than fifty wounded warrirors and family members were honored with full support and love from over 1000. Dave, I and 3 other Gold Star parents, Barb & Charlie Thompson, parents of SSGT Jacob Thompson, and Rose Jankowski, mom of Spec Charles Jankowski, were in attendance by special invitation at the ceremonies and recognized as were local Blue Star family members.

The evening's ceremony was breathtaking with the inspirational, indescribable santuary orchestra and choir performances of First Baptist Church. Posting of the Colors was presented by U.S. Army Color Guard from Ft. Rucker, Alabama and pledge to American Flag was led by Thomas McQueen, Life Scout, BSA Troup 321. First Baptist senior pastor, Dr. Craig Conner provided the welcome and prayer and morning host, Talk Radio 101.1 FM Burnie Thompson provided recognition of guests. County Commissioner Jerry Girvin gave the proclamation from Bay County honoring Philip and Linda Cope, founders of Warrior Beach Retreat, Inc. After the recognition of our Armed Forces through a musical salute and recognition of the wounded warriors and fallen through the song "I Salute You", U.S. Army (ret) Col Danny McKnight of BlackHawk Down was guest speaker. All I can say is that I'm so proud to have been in that audience to hear COL McKnight's words of honor for our military and to hear his testimony. The event was worth every tear of pride and the opportunity to later meet, hug and speak with the wounded warriors and their family members.

Today, Friday, begins day one with deep sea fishing and other events that Linda and Philip Cope and the Bay County Community have pulled together for these great warriors. The Cope's project is the only one of its kind thus far, and it is the Cope's dream to have other communities in our country begin such annual events to honor those who have sacrificed so much for our great country and others abroad.

Linda, if you read this, know that you have this mom's admiration and deepest gratitude for what you have been led to do. And never forget that we Gold Star Families will always be available to you and your cause, because your son and all our wounded warriors are also our children in heart and spirit.

To Pastor Conner and Mark McQueen of First Baptist Church, thank you for your open arms and willingness to support Linda and Philip Cope in their call that blessed so many of us on Thursday evening.

God bless this wonderful work that is a great example of what every day Americans can do to let our service members know they are not forgotten.

POOH & PIGLET...FRIENDS VS ACQUAINTANCES....

2010-03-24T08:02:00.000-07:00

Christopher Robin had a question to ask, and he was wondering how to ask it.

"Well," he said at last, "It's a very nice house and if your own house is blown down, you must go somewhere else, musn't you, Piglet?"

"What would you do if your house was blown down?"

Before Piglet could anything, Pooh answered for him.

"He'd come and live with me," said Pooh, "wouldn't you?"

Piglet squeezed his paw.

"Thank you Pooh," he said, "I should love to."

Anyone who has ever had a friendship like Pooh and Piglet knows how very blessed they are. This type of friendship is a rare treasure, often a treasure never discovered by many people and depends on trust, respect, and compassion.

I have been fortunate in my adult life to actually have experienced the kind of friendship that Pooh and Piglet exhibit through the words above. My oldest best friend and I met in 1984 in southern California when both our husband's were stationed at Camp Pendleton Marine Corps Base. Sherri and I worked at a bank together and both our husband's were Marines. Sherri's husband was an OV-10 Recon pilot who was killed in a flight training accident a few years after we met. I was there the day the chaplain brought word to the bank that Darryl had been killed hours earlier. I was there with Sherri through funeral services and the life she strove to put back together afterwards. I was there when she learned she had cancer and subsequent surgery that prevented her from ever having children. I was there giving my honest thoughts when she met new guys I felt didn't deserve the woman she was. I was there sitting on the floor with her seven or so years after Darryl's death and helping her go through boxes of his belongings that she was finally ready to let go of.

Sherri was there for me when I had marital problems and she never questioned or judged me or my husband. Her doors were always open to both of us. Sherri was there for me when I needed someone to just listen and never try to help fix anything. Sherri was always ready to take in a movie, take a walk or bike ride, go to the beach or whatever was needed for each of us to make it through difficult days. It didn't matter how much dust was on her book shelves, she was always ready to be a friend to spend time together and provide support. Her strength after the death of her husband and surviving cancer always inspired me. Her gentle spirit, openess, compassion, and devotion as a friend who never spoke ill or judged anyone always makes Sherri a treasure to anyone she encounters. She has been my greatest supporter and cheerleader encouraging my writing and story telling.

The irony in our friendship is that we are polar oppoisites in so many ways, but the best of each of us helps the other in trying times and we learn from each other. We can discuss issues with differences and be honest, but never hurt or offended. I could go on and on about my special friendship with this angel God placed in my life over 20 years ago. But I think you get the message. And, by the way, Sherri met her new soul mate and remarried over ten years ago.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says: "Two people are better than one, because they get more done by working together. If one falls down, the other can help them up.."

I believe this kind of friendship comes through connections that our Creator brings to our paths when were are first true friends with our Creator. Yes, we are his children, but I believe we can also call our Creator, Friend, because we're never alone and when we open our hearts to seek guidance, peace, and joy we are never failed. I know this for a fact, because I have lived my darkest hours struggling with the death of a child during war and how to keep my grieving husband steady. And those who have suffered and endured holocaust camps and prisoner of war camps have the testimonies to prove so.

In my 55 years I have come to truly realize a defining difference between the word Friend and the word Acquaintance and how maybe the word "Friend", as the word "Love", should never be used lightly.

I have tons of acquaintances, but only a few I can sincerely call FRIEND, and these are golden egss in my life. The best of the golden eggs is to be true friends with our Creator, not simply acquainted. Through this true Friendship, one is never afraid to knock on the Creator's door, to be angry with the Creator, to ask the Creator for forgiveness of shortcomings, and guidance to move forward, because this Friend will always lead in the best, right direction if one is willing to hold tight to the only prayer I personally ever need: "Our Father (my Friend), who art in heaven......Thy will be done.... and provide me the strength and courage to live in your will."

We've all heard the saying:"To have a friend, we must be a friend." I thank the Creator today for the old friends and new friends that have been placed in my life. There is also a saying: "Friends are the angels who lift us on their wings, when our own wings are broken."

I know that Winnie the Pooh and Piglet are examples of the kind of friend I want to be and that I want to have surrounding me.

I hope the same for all my readers, and ask at this moment that each of you are blessed tremendously with all the love and friendship you can handle, if only from one sincere person.

Hugs! Deb

What Piglet Says First Thing in the Morning....

2010-03-19T06:35:00.000-07:00

From Piglet & Winnie the Pooh:

"When you wake up in the morning Pooh," said Piglet, "What's the first thing you say to yourself?"

"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh.

"What do you say, Piglet."

"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.

Pooh nooded thoughtfully. "It's the same thing," he said.

Don't you just love Piglet & Pooh! They do have such wisdom to offer!

If you've never become acquainted with the motivational books, The Taoh of Pooh or Te of Piglet I recommend them. On some of my most difficult days, I've found smiles and inspiration through these two characters.

But for now, here's my thought to share today:

Good morning, Dad! (hope you don't mind, but Dad just sounds so much more personal than "Heavenly Father!)

First TGIF! Thank you for another renewed day, this one with more sunshine here at the beach and I hope in other places.!

Fill me with joy just because I know you have this day already managed including my journey with something exciting.

I know you'll be beside me for any moments of difficulty, including the cranky obnoxious person I may come in contact with, or for those of us here at the beach, deliver us from the rude obnoxious rantings of your young people called Spring Breakers who often try to break our ear drums with loud "everything!" Gotta love 'em! They are still so "misguided" in much! Give us patience! As we give thanks for blessings in our community with their dollars (even though they lack a lot of sense at times!) But most of all, give their parents strength and courage as they don't know all that their lovely children may be up to! And most of all, let lessons be learned from negatives that may befall these young people.

And again for me, I know I'll learn something from each experience I encounter today, even if I don't particularly like all that crosses my path, because just as flowers have to receive manure for fertilizer to assist their growth and become beautiful, so must I be sprinkled with unpleasantness at times so I can grow as a human being that makes honorable contributions to the lives of those I encounter and society in general.

Over all, I know if I let go and let You walk in front of me, all will go well because I'm trusting you for each and every word from my mouth and each step I take to present myself when I meet other of your children today whether that be strangers, clients, friends or family.

So, thanks ahead of time for all you're going to show me today!

Love, your daughter (s) and (sons)

EACH MORNING RENEWED

2010-03-18T07:16:00.000-07:00

This week has presented wonderful gifts and experiences in my life. Earlier in the week two new friends I now call "soul sisters" came to my home where we shared a meal and time together discussing events in our life and the faith and trust in God and His purpose that keeps us going. On Wednesday, I had two wonderful experiences, the first was the GFWC (General Federation Woman's Club) in Panama City where the 29th annual Prayer Coffee was held and blessed all who attended. Then I had lunch with another new 'soul sister'.

From these wonderful times of fellowship and sharing amongst ourselves, this morning with much on my heart about the various paths we are each on, the earthly struggles and challenges, I wanted to share a quote and write a prayer for all of us, which goes as follows:

"When we begin to think differently about things, then things begin to change."

Dear Dad (this is what I call my Father in heaven)

Here we are, you daughters and sons!

We know that everyday we wake to a new day for new hope, new beginnings, and new experiences that provide opportunity for us to let our light shine through dark moments as well as in the moments of light.

And that any difficult moments or events are opportunities for our growth as women and men of a deeper, trusting faith and love for you and the hmanity we are part of.

Thanks for this beautiful morning as we walk into a physical world that often fights against the things of the spirit that we desire to reflect for your honor.

Lamentations 3:19-24 reminds us that you are so very near always through the words:

"Lord, remember my suffering, my sorrow, and trouble.

Remember me and think about me.

I have hope when I think of this:

The Lord's love never ends; his mercies never stop.

They are new every morning."

Dad, since we can't possibly know or understand all that occurs here on planet earth and to us individually, and we can't possibly know or understand the thoughts and heart of those we love and who love us, or those we make contact with, we know that you know all things and their purpose and that you know each and every one of your children because each earthly child belonged to you before we ever knew them, and they still belong to you.

Every human belonged to you before we ever knew one another. Place in our hearts what we need to love one another as we are, and to realize that we are each on a path meant for each of us at this very moment with a purpose known only to you.

Help us to move ourselves out of our own way so you can use each of us for your greater good and purpose in others lives, whether that be our spouses, children, parents, or all others whose lives we touch.

With this we know that JOY will fill our spirits simply by knowing that through us you will bring into being your plan and purpose, although often times we may never see or be aware.

And dad, for us women who are married to men who we often misunderstand because they have suffered much pain in life and who have sacrifices much for our country and fellow man, in human form they can often seem distant or negaative for reasons we can't grasp, but you do. You have placed us in their lives for purpose, and they into ours for purpose. Again, help us, as the women you want us to be, help us to be the women our husbands need knowing that through our walk, they will see God and good in us as they have not seen any place else. Remind us that our happiness, joy and laughter does not come for how our husbands (or a wife) acts or reacts, but from our relationship with you as you lead us on our earthly, physcial journey.

Now, Dad, we're letting go and depending on you!

Bless this day and every person, each a child of yours, that we make contact with.

And above all, "Our Father who art in heaven...thy will be done" as you provide the strength, courage, peace, and joy for our march up and on!

Love, your children

All of Us...

WRITING & PUBLISHING

2010-03-17T14:02:00.000-07:00

I'm often asked how to go about getting published by those who enjoy writing and feel they have stories (whether fiction or non fiction) to share with others. I begin by asking them to think about who the audience is that they believe will be most interested in their genre of written work. Because as any company has to have an audience and marketing strategy, so must a person who wants to publish a written work. Books do not sell themselves, so we everyday folk who are not of celebrity status or national politician also have to have sales and marketing skills for self promotion.

For the writer who feels they have a great short story, whether fiction or non fiction, they can research various magazines seeking submissions. For novels, books of poetry, short stories, etc. a writer can find many books and articles on how to properly submit a manuscript to a publisher. One can also find on line and in books the submission requirements of any publisher.

From my personal experience, I self publsihed my first book, a memoir, after the death of our son in Iraq. This means I researched different companies on line to learn the costs I would have to pay them to set my book to print and how subsequent royalty percentages worked. I would be waiting until I could walk to the moon to have expected a traditional publisher to publish my first work since I was an unknown and had not attended an Ivy League School.

I already knew who my audiences would be and how to self promote myself which takes a lot of time, energy and expense. But it was worth it to me because of the passion I held to share our family journey in sending a son to war and coping after his death. And also, we found an organization to provide net profits to that benefits grieving military family members.

After my self published work was off the press from authorhouse publishing, I set up my own speaking engagements , book signings, media interviews and set off on my journey with my husband in tow. At an event where I spoke and sold more books than anyone because I wasn't afraid to approach folks and share what my book was about and gain their interest, a representative from a small house traditional publisher (NOT Print On Demand, self publisher) but a traditional publisher took notice and took a copy of my book back to their company in Minnesota.

After several members of their company team read my work, they offered me a contract to publish the book as a 2nd edition, and I took the offer. Because they are a small house, I did not receive any upfront funds, only a little extra help with marketing the book through their avenues of publications to various organizations. I can purchase copies of my own book at a discount, as one can when selfpublished, and make more profit when I sell them at engagements or from the trunk of the car!

Profits from book sells through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Borders, etc usually get a writer about $1.25 per book. Selling without a middle-man can gain $4 - $6 per book, depending on the retail cost and discounted cost to the author.

So, to all who want to write, keep writing if you love it, self publish (publish on demand) if you want to, while you can also send manuscripts for up to years to various publishing companies depending again, on genre and subject matter.

For support, find writing groups who provide honest feedback which can require a writer to have a thick skin.

I believe I read that Nicholas Sparks, popular author of The Notebook and subsequent stories that have been turned to movies, sent many many copies of his manuscript of The Notebook to many many publishers years ago before his work was accepted.

Debbie MaComber known for her knitting club stories wrote for years and sent many many many manuscripts out before her work was accepted.

John Grisham, before fame, went from shopping mall to shopping mall selling his first book to prove he had what it took to write and sell books before his work was picked up by a publisher.

So, writing and publishing...it's hard work, its even harder these days since traditional publishing houses are more in the red than black. So, if for a person who wants to write, wants to share a story...research everything you need to know on the internet about publishing, purchase good books about writing and publishing, learn good marketing and sales skills, speaking skills, lose fear of public speaking, keep on writing, don't give up, and go for the dream...as for me, my stories are those I want to be a testimony of how faith and God has worked in my personal life to inspire others, to help those grieving, or to connect with people in such trying times.

Hence, I continue to blog and write stories or speeches that I can share as soon as I can find the next group I can carry the stories to.

For more info about me go to : http://www.heartofahawk.com/ or google: http://www.deborahtainsh.blogspot.com/

God bless and lead each of you whose dream is to write, publish, and share.

Honoring Military Familes - Hiland Park Baptist Church

2010-03-14T20:14:00.000-07:00

Sunday, March 14, 2010, Hiland Park Baptist Church in Panama City, Florida honored thier military families with a luncheon following the church service. I was thrilled at such an event taking place and honored that I had been invited to attend and share a message. I have to also share that this was a definite "God Thing" that brought me to this event because I knew nothing about this wonderful church or its Military Family Ministry until Thursday evening, March 11. I was invited by Jan Evett to attend a GriefShare meeting held at First Baptist Church Panama City where I met Mona, the secretary at Hiland Park. When she learned about my personal journey and ministry, she asked if I could possibly attend the Sunday luncheon. So, today was very special. I and my new Blue Star mom friend, Colleen Greene, whose son Ryan McGlothlin is currently serving with the U.S. Marines 1/6 in Afghanistan, attended the 10:30 a.m. service. The music and service were incredible and spirit filled. I didn't think I'd have any dry makeup left by the end of the service. At noon, the military families, military family ministry team and pastor came together in the fellowship hall. Sincere loving and grateful messages and prayers were spoken by two of the church pastors. Following lunch and introductions of each military family present, I was honored to briefly share a bit about my family, provide the history of Blue and Gold Star families (those who serve (Blue Star) and those who die (Gold Star) during war time, and ask for blessings of strength and courage for all our military families. I concluded by presenting a Blue Star service flag to the church to teach others its symbolism. What a wonderful and blessed morning.

"A Veteran...

2010-03-12T06:13:00.000-08:00

is someone who at one point in his life wrote a blank check made payable to The United States of America for an amount up to and including their life."

God bless our men and women in uniform, the greatest ambassadors our country can have.

Humor & Faith Through Trying Times

2010-03-11T20:31:00.000-08:00

I want to thank the Emerald Coast Women's Club, Panama City, Florida for having me as their guest speaker today, March 11, 2010. What a pleasure to meet a group of wonderful business women whose motto is "Women Helping Women" and whose major objective is to provide scholarshiips to women age 23 and above to help further higher education. This wonderful group held their annual "Death by Chocolate" event at the Marina Civic Center one week ago and raised over $15,000.00 for scholarships.

I was honored to bring a message about humor and faith through trying times to the group. And I am grateful for the responses I received that once again validated that God is guiding me to bring inspirational messages that benefit others.

Lynn Kandler, to my right is mom to a United States Marine who recently returned from Afghanistan and is currently at 29 Palms California. Among the group are others who have served as military wives and children. I so appreciate their support of the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors of Military Personnel and Good Grief Camp for Children of the Fallen by purchasing copies of my book, Heart of a Hawk.

To add a bit of humor I called my speaking topic: "Lord, am I really to thank you for these hot flashes?!" I brought what I called "Hot Flash Survivor Kits" for each lady that contained:

A piece of chocolate for that craving

A "Hot Stuff" fan for fanning away that hot flash

A handy wipe to dab the sweat

Some play dough, a color crayon, and coloring sheet for moments of stress and anxiety

A card with some inspirational words to refer to under any circumstance

And a party whistle to make noise at the end of the presentation in celebration of International Women's Day, Monday March 8

So now, I share my talk here...

Does anyone here have a problem in learning to give thanks to God in all things, especially the bad, and mean it?

Reminds me of the story of the young boy who said grace as the holiday meal. "Thank you God for my family, for the turkey, the beans, the potatoes, the pie and cool whip. Then he hesitated a moment, looked at this mom and said, 'if I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know I'm lying?'"

Well ladies, No matter how I strive to be the woman God wants me to be down to First Thessalonians 5:18: "In every thing give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. Give thanks with a grateful heart..."

There is absolutely no doubt that God know I'm lying every time I say "Thank You Jesus" when heat rushes from my head to toes and sweat gushes through my pores while I'm trying to remove all clothing acceptable for decency in a public place, then in a manner of minutes redress to stop the chills!

And what is it with tossing covers off and on during the night, having my feel feel like they're against hot coals one moment and freezing the next! I have to keep a small fan running on the bedside table so I can lean into it in the middle of the night to cool down! Forget 8 hours of good sleep!

One thing for sure, at least I can honestly say I've matured into one hot woman! And I can drive my husband crazier than when I was 29!

Now, when I'm NOT having a moment of temporary insanity as occurs often during these hot flash moments, I do believe that "All things work together for a purpose" becasue "God's ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts" and after all, this is Planet Earth where being human can get pretty rough.

Well, woman that I am, I decided to research the purpose of hot flashes and I found some very interesting information.

One: I've decided that instead of trying to get my regular doctor to help me understand this hot flash and sweat stuff, I'm switching to a veterinarian referred to as DogtorJ.com who wrote a wonderful piece called: Hot Flashes -- A Sign of the Times:

He says he wrote this in response to repeated questions about the role of hot flashes in menopause and stated that like everything our body does, hot flashes do serve an important purpose! I really don't understand all he was saying in this paper, but it made more sense than anyone else has provided!

Two: from another .com article, according to some medical anthropologists who did work called Menopause Relief Project in Fiji, I learned that hot flashes and profuse sweating of menopause is not universal among women of all cultures...and that we Western women have more problems because unlike Fijian women, we wear bras so tight we can't breathe correctly, and because we're perspiration phobics, unlike Fijian women who perspire freely, we're preventing poisonous toxins from leaving our bodies by use of antiperspirants!

Hence! Hot flashes and sweats! Our bodies take over to do its best to keep us from being poisoned by junk from foods we western women intake along with the confusion of estrogen and progesterone levels as we get older.

The article also reiterated that one of the most critical functions of the human body is to eliminate toxins via lungs, intestines, skin, kidneys, and our monthly monster.

And when our monthly monster begins to cease, it's important for menopausal women to use the bathroom regularly, drink plenty of fluids, urinate when needed, breathe and perspire freely!

So, what I gathered is that we have to be willing to take better care of ourselves by going to the bathroom immediately when the urge arises, do not impair our ability to sweat freely or to breathe correctly (get rid of the bra!) Because when we impair our body, it takes revenge through hot flashes and sweats to get rid of those nasty toxins!

Wow! Now, don't we all feel so much better! There is a perfect purpose for these awful inconveniences! Thank you Jesus for hot flashes and sweats that remove toxins from my body!

I'm sure you all realize that I've used this as a means to create an analogy to see that purpose does exist in all things seemingly bad as well as good to the human perspective for life on planet earth.

Not one of us is immune to all sorts of hot flashes and sweats from inconvenient aggravating moments to the larger anxiety filled and painful life changing events.

I believe that just as menopausal hot flashes and sweats serve the purpose of a greater good for the female human body, so do other hot flashes and sweats of life serve a greater purpose for each individual's journey, although such events are not seen by the human eye as would wish to see and understand.

One of my favorite quotes is by speaker Wayne Dyer who is frequently seen on PBS. "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual being having a human experience."

Lord, I was so happy the moment I heard him say that. I was at a fitness center walking uphill on a treadmill watching Wayne on the tv in front of me. This occurred a few months after the death of my stepson in Iraq, my husband's only biological child and namesake. Wayne's words made me feel lik an anvil had been removed from my shoulders! The HOT FLASHes of LIFE on planet earth suddenly made sense!

But I personally found that to truly grasp and believe this, to me the unexpected Hot Flashes and Sweats head on, and to rise above the aggravations, pain, and frustration of being human on planet earth, I had to return to my source, my creator of the univrse and ask for peace in my heart and spirit that I couldn't give myself or gain from any other human or worldly material thing.

Through time and reaching to my creator to lead and show me how to use the awful hot flash and sweat of experiencing the death of a child, I have found peace, my husband has found peace, and we have been led to mentor other parents across the country who have experienced our same heartbreak.

Through our book, Heart of a Hawk, that I have here today for purchase, we are able to carry Patrick's legacy forward and provide proceeds from book sales to the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors of Military Personnel and Good Grief Camp for Children of the Fallen headquartered in D.C.

We have found joy and laughter again, even through 3 beautiful canines that are now our children!

We have been provided a path into a community where we always hoped to live. We don't know all the answers of why "Hot Flashes & Sweats" of life have to occur, except for "we ain't in heaven yet!", But I do know enough in my spirit and heart to hold to my faith that "All things do work together with purpsoe" whether I learn the purpose in this life time or not; and that to let my light shine and to seek God's guidance even through my greatest darkness is where I have opportunity to truly show my faith in God and belief in his ultimate purpose.

The tough times allow me to see the Creator's work in my life that helps me to grown and become a better human while a resident on planet earth. For this is not my permanent home.

One of my favorite Bible verses is Psalm 119: 18 - 19: "Open my eyes that I may see wondrous things; I am a stranger on earth." And another, Proverbs 17:22: "A happy heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing, but a broken spirit dries up the bones."

I know it's difficult to pray and find reason or a happy heart, laughter and a cheerful mind during difficult times, however, it is my hope that next time you experience a "Hot Flash & Sweat" of any kind, you will stop for a brief moment, take a deep breath, and say "Thank you Lord. I don't know the purpose of this miserable moment, but help me rise above it and help my light shine as the woman and witness of your love and guidance that I'm meant to be."

Thank you for your comments!

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I want to thank Jan P and Kathy W for sending me wonderful comments regarding Saturdays retreat at First Presbyterian Church in Lynn Haven. Your words validate for me that I am doing what I believe God has led me to do. I thank Him for allowing me to share my family journey, testimony, and faith while sharing laughter and fellowship.

From Jan P: Dear Deborah, thank you so much for your presentation at First Presbyterian Church in Lynn Haven. I must admit I was shamed into going by a friend and am I ever so glad that she did that. I needed to hear the presentation and participate. It brought me moments of special joy when I heard Patricia speak of her son, Drew who I work with. You are an amazing woman. Thank you for all you are doing!

From Kathy W: All I can say is ...WOW!
What a wonderful weekend and blessing I received from you! That was all everyone kept talking about at church. Plus, there are some "God Things" that happened on Saturday that different people shared with me. I was just overwhelmed and then to come in and share it all with my coworkers was like living it again!

I want to also thank Kathy Welsh for sharing with the group that since she read my book Heart of a Hawk and getting to know Patrick, she will never again look at a man or woman in uniform in the same way as she did before. This brought tears to my eyes as this validated, once again, that writing and sharing our family story and Pat's life as a once rebellious son turned honorable U.S. Army Cavalry Scout was God's will.

More photos First Presbyterian Women's Conf 2/27/2010

2010-02-28T21:37:00.000-08:00

Thank you Rev Mitchell and the other gentlemen for acting as waiters for the ladies luncheon!

Great job!!

PSALM 35 Talk at First Presbyterian Women's Conference 2/27

2010-02-28T16:21:00.000-08:00

Psalm 35:9: "And my sould shall be joyful in the Lord; it shall rejoice in his salvation."

This was the chosen topic verse by the women of First Presbyterian Church in Lynn Haven Florida for their conference on 2/27. I am so honored to have been invited as the keynote speaker by my now new friend and sister, Kathy Welsh. I wish everyone who reads this could have been there!

The sanctuary of approximately 60 ladies was blessed by special music presented by Krystal Moore of Graceville, Florida and the testimony of Patricia Murfee regarding how God worked in her family's life to bring joy after the birth of her son, a special needs child.

Following my talk, everyone enjoyed a beautiful lunch in the fellowship hall at tables individualy set and decorated by women of the church who brought their own special table coverings, center pieces, and place settings. The best part was how men of the church, including Rev. Dan Mitchell, in their white shirts and aprons, acted as servers.

I was greatly blessed with a full heart of joy after having the opportunity to bring a message before lunch to the group. The love and appreciation I was shown validated again for me that I am doing what God would have me do through sharing my family story and testimony of how blessed and joyful life can be even through the trials and tribulations if we "Let Go and Let God".

Before the program began, I handed out what I called "Joy Bags" to each lady. Inside the bag was an Almond Joy candy bar to represent the sweetness of joy; a glow in the dark bracelet for each lady to wear to represent that through living in God's will through faith, we can all "glow through the darkness" of trials and tribulations and amaze those around us who may see us as "Odd Ducks" as Patsy Clairemont, a woman of faith, speaker, & writer, says may happen for being joyful even through our most difficult times. Hence, inside the gift bag was a cardboard pink duck for each lady attached to a card with Psalm 35:9 and Patsy's expression about being "Odd Ducks". And finally, each bag held a party whistle that everyone could use to express a "joyful" noise unto the Lord at various intervals.

Because it related to my talk, I began my portion of the program with the following humor: "An archaeologist was digging in a desert in Israel when he found a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a wold-famous museum to report excitedly: 'I've just discovered a three thousand year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure.' The curator replied: 'Bring it in, we'll check it out.' A month later, the curator called the archaeologist. 'That's amazing! you were spot on about the mummy's age and cause of death. How on earth did you know?" 'Easy,' said the archaeologist. 'There was a piece of paper in his hand that ssaid, "10,000 Shekels on Goliath."

I was happy that the joke brought out laughter, even from Pastor! Now, to share my presentation with you!

For a perspective on Psalm 35, I 'd like to return to King David and the events affecting his life. We know the story of David, the young shepherd boy that the prophet Samuel, without the knowledge of King Saul, called from the field and anointed.
Later, David and King Saul became acquainted after David was recommended for a job to play music for the king. King Saul, happy with David's great talent, kept him on as a musician.

Later, during an issue with the Philistines, and after 40 days of cowering by Saul's skilled warriors, David called on the name of God and with a slingshot and some stones, he brought down the 9 foot bronze clad Goliath. (Hence, the joke above: Don't ever bet against God!)

Well, Saul was so impressed that he made David commander of his fighting forces. However, with passing time and David's success against the Philistines, Saul became jealous and sought to kill David time and time again. It was probably from this experience that David wrote what we know as Psalm 35.

I'm sure there's no one here today who can't relate to David's plight and prayers. Non of us, hopefully, have a person so jealous of our accomplishments that they wish us dead, (maybe fired from a job, etc); but I'm sure that each and everyone here today has experienced being turned agains without cause because of pits of hidden agendas, experienced the tongue of a false witness, or experienced opposition in return for good you've given.

When such experiences fall on us and our hearts and spirits become filled with anxiety and darkness, I believe we can look at David's own human experience and the message he left behind.

If we take notice, David prayed for God to handle his adversaries in God's manner. He asked God to plead his cause. David didn't seek revenge by his own hand.

As I relate Psalm 35 to my own journey, I apply it to myself in this way: While going through anxiety filled experiences here on planet earth I appeal to God to use his way (for his ways are not our ways and his thoughts are not our thoughts) to dispel the darkness from my path.

After all, I'm a human being with the capacity to make bad decisions on how to handle situations. I need all the help I can get, and my Father, my Dad (my preference) in heaven surely knows better than I!

And with patience, which I'm not very good with, (Dad's still working on me!) as Psalm 35:9 says: my soul will be joyful and will rejoice that God has saved me from being over come by anxiety filled expeeriences that are inevitably a part of my personal journey.

At this juncture, I bet there are a few thoughts out there of "Oh yeah! Easier said than done!"

Well, just as any of you has experienced enough to write about and create a volume of books, I have as well:

I was born into an alcoholic environment of Georgia country folk where as far back as I can recall I had to learn how to fix food for myself while all the adults were passed out from inebriation for days at a time. Because I had experienced Sunday School and church through the kindness of others outside my parental environment, I talked a lot to angels and God. This was my joy.

I remember how strangers taught me good things that I would never have learned from blood family. Hence, the reason it is important for all of us to contribute to the lives of other less fortunate children.

In my environment I was hit in the head with coca cola bottles and ash trays and whipped with leather belts. To escape alcohol and other negatives, I married very soon after graduating high school in 1971. My son Phillip, now 36 was born just before I turned 19. By age 28 I was divorced. By 29, in 1983 , I was married again to a U.S.Marine and acquired a "Bonus" son who came to be known as U.S. Army Sgt. Patrick Tainsh.

Part of this part of my journey is what I want to share today. The experience that so far in my life has been the one that has most shaken and strengthened my faith and joy.

As Saul was David's enemy who sought to kill him, my husband's and my worse enemy became death and grief and the insurmountable pain and dysfunction that threatened to forever steal our joy.

As you entered today you saw on the table copies of my book, Heart of a Hawk. This book became one of many responses to me by God during my most desperate cries for help after enduring the one thing that every parent most fears: the death of a child and the grief that can consume us.

I believe God has used Heart of a Hawk as a vehicle for my husband and me to share with other families that they are not alone in trudging difficult journeys and to help vailidate roller coaster emotions.

I've received words of appreciation from readers for writing with pure honesty about my family's journey, the good, bad, and ugly. I wrote as honestly as possible becaue I believe in sharing the worst and the best of my family life expereinces (with my husband's approval) because until someone someplace in my life shared "the junk in the trunk" of their life, I always believed I was the only peron in the world dealing with family dysfunction.

I've learned that without having "junk in our trunks" as part of this earthly journey, we'd have no way to understad compassion for others and we wouldn't need Jesus and His sacrifice.

I don't want to dwell on our entire story and Patrick's manner of death in Iraq because I hope you'll each take a book home with you, enter our journey, laugh, cry, feel God, and keep our son a part of your family. Also, your purchase provides support to the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors of Military Personnel in Washington,, D.C., the organization that gave Dave and me a new path and purpose after Patrick's death. A joy and God Thing!
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Patrick entered my life when he was 13. His dad and I gained custody shortly after we married. Unfortunately Pat's birth mom died when he was 17. I will share that part of our journey dealt with Pat's rebellion and drug problem before he turned his life around to become an outstanding U.S. Army Cavalry Scout. He was my husband's only biological child and namesake. In 2002 after my husband's retirement from both the U.S. Marines and Orange County California Juvenile Justice System, we returned to Georgia, the state of our childhoods.

What I want to speak about is losing and rediscovering Joy in the wake of our greatest tribulation.

In our battle with death and grief, unlike David in Psam 35, I cursed God. We had depended on Him to return Patrick to us from Iraq on two feet, not in a flag draped casket. After all, things like this happened to other people, not us.

My husband had survivedVietnam and the 1st Gulf War. Patrick had overcome a drug addiction that he'd held to from age 15 to 28. He was a rebellious son who had quit school, survived as a cook to pay his way to surf and snowboard, but had given it all up to serve a purpose greater than self (before 9/11).

He had met the love of his live who was serving in Afghanistan while he was in Iraq. We loved her dearly as she did us. Our family, after years of conflict, rebellion, and separations had finally come together as a pleasant whole, only to have it torn to shred on 2/11/04. Patrick was 33.

With the death of a child, parents suffer what we call the great domino effect. Not only is the child lost, but all that was or could have been attached to their lives. A young fiance or wife has to move forward with life. It's hardly possible to stay a part of two families. Tracy did find another love and is now married. We are happy for her. But it doesn't mean we don't miss what she meant to us.

I had prayed for almost a year to God to deliver Patrick and our family from the enemy of war. Now I was angry. Not only did I suffer grief over Patrick, but grief for my husband who I could not help. I had always been the one of faith. My husband no so except to say there are no atheists in foxholes.

But now what little faith he had was lost and mine greatly shaken. In my anger, sorrow and loss of Joy, I still knew there was only one place to go to seek release from this enemy of grief that had fallen on our home.

I was reminded of Psalm 5l:8: "Make me hear sounds of joy and gladness, let the bones your crushed be happy again." and Verse 10: "Create in me a pure heart God, make my spirit right with you."

I sat on my back porch in Georgia that spring watching new foliage return to trees and plants. At the corner of my porch as a white dogwood tree. I would watch it daily and speak to God as the buds returned and that beautiful while bloom began to appear. I'd recall the story I'd been told as a child about how the dogwood bloom was designed to remind us of Christ's crucifixion, the nail scars in his hands.

I'm mad God! I would say, but Jesus I need your strength that was shown in the Garden of Gethsemane. I need to be able to truly say, not my will Father, but thine.

Jesus had prayed for the cup of pain of the crucifixion to be removed, but ultimtely he knew His Father's will was for the greater purpose of mankind.

With time, I came to truly understand the Lord's Prayer and how truly accepting God's will as perfect helps to reclaim Joy.

I have come to understand that just as David in 1010 - 970 BC endured an enemy that wanted to take his life while he waited on God to answer and bring His plan to fruition, my family and all others are not so much different here in the 21st century.

Because I asked God to show me and lead me through my most horrific life experience, He's taught me to truly see things differently, to grasp that this present world is oh so temporary. We are in this world, but are not meant to be of this world forever.

And no matter the number of wars, earthquakes, or tsunamis, diseasease and other manners of tragedy in our lives that work alongside all the beauty and comfort we're privileged and blessed to encounter, I exist, we all exist, as clay in the potter's hand here and now to serve our purpose according to God's will for as the scripture said unto Pharoah, I have raised thee up so I might show my power in thee and that my name might be declared throughout all the earth (Romans 9:17)

All creation is part of the greater plan known only by our creator, our Father God, who sacrificed his Son, Jesus, for the salvation of the world.

Acknowledging, accepting, and understanding this without doubt, and living in a way that "stuns" and "bedazzles" others is how joy comes to be the foundation beneath all other human emotions.

When life shattering events and staggering negatives come at us unexpectedly and challenge that joy, there's only one place to take all those emotions and cries for help to restablish joy, and that is to our Dad in heaven.

Every hunan being including the sweet babies we women have given birth to, are creations that belonged to God long before we ourselves were known, and every single one has a path and purpose known to our creator since before the creation of the universe.

The paths will always contain enemies in one form or the other here on planet earth. It's learning how to outshine the enemy and remain joyful in both the light and dark through a prayful relationship with God, which makes us stronger.

I say this is where the rubber hits the road when we profess to be Christian people of faith and joy. It's truly learning to live above the negativity of planet earth and to smile through difficulties knwoing that no matter what happens in this physical earth bound lifetime, Psalm 35:9 will prevail: "My soul shall be joyful in the lord; it shall rejoice in his salvation!"

My enemy of grief and discord, the greatest of my journey thus far, could have literally killed me or my husband or forever killed being joyful again. And I won't lie, the culprit brought me to the depths of despair with questioning, Why, Why, Why!

I have prayed continually for strength, courage, peace, and joy of heart while waiting for God to answer my cry and bring to fruition His will in my life, and how to demonstrate a joyful spirit in the wake of Patrick's death, my husband's grief, and the grief of so many others around me in this time of war.

I needed to know how to make lemonade out of all the lemons.

I continue praying now, six years later, that the often turbulent relationship between me and my husband due to roller coaster emotions and differences in how we handle issues, will be calmed. And God has sent some answers and help as I've asked to be led as a model for my husband, I have seen a tenderness return to him. There was a time he refused to let me have a dog...long story short, we now have 3...two retrievers and a Yorkie... that have brought much joy to us with many smiles and my husband acting like a kid at times.

As the Psalmist prayed in Psalm 119: 18-19: "Open my eyes that I may see wondrous things; I am a stranger on earth.." I have prayed to see how Patrick's death served a purpose greater than the life we wanted him to have and so wanted and needed by our family.

In this aftermath of searching and learning great patience, God has answered and provided ways for me and my family to honor both HIM and Patrick while blessing others and regaining our joy in different ways.

As a writer once only of poetry and for a lot of cathartic purposes, I know God led me to write our family journey in Heart of a Hawk.

We've been told by readers what a blessing our story has been to their lives for various reasons. Through this, our hearts and spirits are blessed in unexpected ways by total strangers.

My family is not the first to lose a child and certainly will never be the last. Although we pray for the safe return of troops from war or a child from a trip in a car or bus, or from the grip of diseases, the bottom line is that every hour of every day parents are being accosted by the same enemy as my husband and I.

And a caveat here. I know that every church across the land prays for the safety of our troops, but I'm an honest duck and I have to say this...No matter the prayers, not all of our troops will return home...this is a time of war and death and injury is inevitable. What I ask everyone is that you remember our great men and women in uniform for serving to give us the freedoms we currently enjoy, to meet as we are today, and pray for the strength, courage, and peace they and their families require during these most difficult times.

Knowing the journey of grief and pain as my husband and I do, God has led us to become grief mentors to other parents suffering the death of a child serving inthe U.S. Armed forces and others.

Causes of death from training accidents, heart attacks from running, war and even suicide.

As a grief mentor I have bonded with a mom whose son commetted suicide during his 2nd tour to Iraq. She was distraught about how to respond when she was asked how her son died.

I recommended that she simply reply that how her son died wasn't important or what she wished to talk about; but she would love to talk about what her son's life and what he meant to her. This mom found comfort in this and as it became her mantra and finds it easier to cope.

I've spoken often with a civilian friend whose son had a drug problme and committed suicide. In offering comfort to her I reminded her that God's love is beyond any human comprehension==certainly beyond the love of any human parent, and for those reasons her peace can be found through her personal relationship with God and Christ's promise that He came to save that which was lost and thru Paul's message that as in Adam all die, so in Christ shall all be made alive. That the last enemy to be destroyed is death.

Just over a week ago, this dear friend, age 81, met Jesus, her husband of 65 years, and I'm sure the son lost to her by suicide over 40 years ago.

I've learned that praying for and reaching to others who are walking the path similar to my family is part of God's answer to me. When we become concerned with others'

pain, the weight of our own becomes lighter.

Because I opened my heart and continued seeking God to lead and show me what I could do in the wake of tragedy, I know He led me to create my new book, Survivng the Folded Flag: Parents of War Share Stories of Coping, Courage, & Faith due to release in late March.

This book will not only be a blessing for the families to keep their loved one's memory and legacy alive through the written word, but will provide any reader with testimony of the strength, courage, and faith lived by 20 fallen heroes and their families.

Knowing God provided me the gift of writing and that he opened doors for me to put this invaluable project together to bless others, my joy is strengthned and I continue to find purpose in the madness of planet earth.

Although our personal family life now lacks more stories to tell because the son that was part of our present and future is from sight, and we feel a void, I am trusting God that Patrick's life and death served a perfect purpose known only to God.

In the wake of Patrick's death, I had no where to go but to God to ask Him to lead and show me as David prayed in Psalm 16:11: "Show me the path of life. In thy presence is fullness of joy."

God has led me to share testimony with you today. To bring hope and encourage you that although enenies of all sorts come at us from left and right, we have to let go and let God as David did.

We must seek God in the darkness as well as the light because our faith and joyfulness shines and "bedazzles" others greatest in the dark.

In the joy bag you received today, inside was an "Odd Pink Duck" with a tag with words I borrowed from author and speaker Patsy Clairmont: "Joy must be the shocking pink thread in our tapestry, because people seem stunned by this flamboyant stitch. When we exhibit joy during trying times others view us as "odd ducks", "cause everyone knows life ain't no ride on no pink duck!"

You also received a glow in the dark bracelet and an Almond Joy. I wanted each of you to have these items to carry out of the meeting today to always be reminded that we learn lessons, gain strength and courage in times of darkness that we may never have learned in the light of day.

And we have the opportunity through difficulties to show others that our faith and joy is as real as it gets! That it is possible to shine the message that our God is the living God of hope, love, joy and salvation, even if we don't feel those things at the very moment of a crisis, they are the foundation beneath the turmoil that we can and will dig to reach and bring back to the surface.

Does all this mean that I walk around during every waking moment with a cat grinning smile, singing and rejoicing? Of course not. My flesh and spirit battle constantly. My temporaray earth bound being meets earth bound negativities on a daily basis.

I deal with melancholy and depression. I miss my two sons together at the dinner table telling jokes and calling each other silly names, making me laugh. I miss the wedding that will never happen. I hurt for and my husband and miss his extra glow. I miss the dreams of holding granchildren and so much more hoped for our family.

It is when these dark emotions try to overtake me that I return to God, sometimes shouting into a pillow, and I recall Paul's teaching in 2 Corinthians 4:8: We have troubles all around us, but we are not defeated. We do no know what to do, but we do not give up hope. We are pesecuted but God does not leave us. We are hurt sometimes, but not destroyed."

When I find myself falling into the pit that the enemy of grief can dig for me, I also write letters to my heavenly Dad on my computer.

I am truthful about my less than joyful feelings of the day and all I can ask is Dad, show me, lead me and as David said: Psalm 35;5: "Let them (my enemies) be as chaff before the wind; and let the angel of the Lord chase them.

It is inevitable on planet earth to not face struggles that can bring us easily into pits of darkness.

Through prayer and meditation in whatever manner feels right for us, we can continually srengthen our relationship with God, stay close to the Dad who truly loves and cares for us.

We must always remember that no matter how things are in our lives or on planet earth at this very moment or during a lifetime, all things will pass and be renewed. Our strife, struggles, tears, and burdens will cease. Disease, death, and grief will be destroyed forever. Because of this we can all shout Psalm 35:9 " And my sould shall be joyful in the Lord; it shall rejoice in his salvation!"

So when experiening our most difficult times, let's bedazzle others with our joy, let's be "odd ducks" and bring hope to the hopeless...let's shine for God, be joyful, and demonstrate that "Joy is not waiting for the storm to pass, it's learning to dance in the rain!"

February 27, 2010 Guest Speaker First Presbyterian Church Lynn Haven

2010-02-22T09:07:00.001-08:00

I am so excited to be speaking on Saturday February 27 at the Lynn Haven, Florida First Presbyterian Women's Conference. Thank you Kathy Walsh for taking my name to your committee. When I learned that the theme for the conference was Psalm 35:9 "And my soul shall be joyful in the Lord: it shall rejoice in his salvation," I felt it was the perfect "God Thing" for me to share a message related to my personal life and spiritual journey and how through the darkest moments, joy and peace of heart are always available to us when we remember to bear our heart and receive the joy from our source our Creator, Father God. And as faith filled speaker Patsy Clairmont says: "Joy must be the shocking pink thread in our tapestry, because people seem stunned by this flamboyant stitch. When we exhibit joy during trying times, others view us as odd ducks, 'cause everyone knows life ain't no ride on no pink duck." My prayer is that a flamboyant pink thread of joy and faith shine through each of us, especially when experiencing the darkest moments of our life on planet earth.

booksALIVE Gulf Coast Community College

2010-02-06T15:46:00.000-08:00

What a fun time today meeting and speaking with book lovers and other authors at the books Alive Festival (11th year) at Gulf Coast Community College Conference Center sponsored by Bay County Public Library. It was an honor to meet and talk with Dr. Mark Green, author of A Night With SADDAM. Mark, now employed here in Panama City at Bay County Hospital, was a special Ops flight surgeon who interviewed Saddam Hussein on the night of his capture and shares in the book information about the missions which led to his meeting Saddam. It was a pleasure to speak again with author Karen Zacharias who I met several years ago. Karen also formerly from the Columbus,Ga area is author of After the Flag Is Folded (Hero Mama), her memoir about the loss of her father in Vietnam and her family's subsequent struggle, and Where's Your Jesus Now? Examing How Fear Erodes Our Faith. There were numerous other authors, some from out of the area, and a number of "us locals." I want to thank Bettina Mead, Festival Coordinator, Vicki Patterson, and all the other Bay County Public Library that made the Festival a wonderful event for authors and all who attended. I look forward to participating in the 2011, 12th year, festival.

Road to Recovery Volunteer Blessings

2010-01-26T14:23:00.000-08:00

My closest personal experience with cancer came about 4 years ago when I learned that a cousin my age, and who I had grown up with, had been diagnosed with breast cancer. I was stunned. I couldn't believe this had happened to a loved one I felt close to. Wasn't it just yesterday that we were little girls playing with bugs and filled with laughter while running with other cousins through the country woods where we lived in Georgia?

I immediately called my cousin and told her I'd heard from her mom about the prognosis. "I just want you to know I'm here for you in whatever way you need me," I told her. Living in Georgia at the time, I drove the 40 miles from my home to hers. When she came to the door, we both burst into tears and held one another. Finally we sat down on the sofa and I listened as she talked about her journey ahead. As time passed and she met me at the door wearing a scarf to cover her bare head, we would cry together more, but also talk and laugh about our childhood memories. There we days I'd call and she would be so sick and in tears from treatments. I would drive to her home so we could cry and hug some more. But through it all, she exhibited courage and faith that inspired me. With time and treatments, my cousin won her battle and currently is still in the all clear zone.

In 200 my husband and I moved from Georgia to Panama City Beach, Florida. Both of us retired, I scanned the newspaper and discovered the need for volunteer drivers for the Cancer Society. Know the experience of my cousin and her appreciation for my spending time with her, I signed up for training and subsequently became an official volunteer with Road to Recovery.

I learned that patients who need the services of Road to Recovery are those who are not able to drive because of the effect of treatments on their body and have no available family members to assist. This can be due to other family members' work schedules or the absence of family members from the vicinity.

Mr. Pope, who moved from Georgia, has no family at all here in Panama City Beach. After learning that he had a brain tumor (which followed colon cancer from 6 years ago), I was privileged to drive him to treatments and back home. His gratefulness for my taking time to help him, his positive demeanor, and speaking of how God is good was enough to light up a dark room. He's told me about his three daughters and the granson that he is so proud of who live in Atlanta. He told me that they call numerous times each day and want him to return to Atlanta. But he loves living at the beach where he can take wwalks and enjoy the beauty of sunsets from his deck.

Then there is Michele who was already at stage 4 when she learned of her diagnosis 4 years ago. She exhibits such courage even though recent treatments have left her esophagus, lips, and inside her mouth literally burned. And she can't say thank you enough for the service that Road to Recovery offers her. We've had conversations about our sons and laughed at the similarities. I feel I've made a new friend though our trips together for her treatments.

From the first time I pulled up to a patient's driveway to those after, I have been in awe at the courageous smiles and immense gratitude expressed by each one. I have a wash cloth crocheted and given to me by a patient. I keep it in my car to remember her and why Road to Recovery is so important.

In my 55 years I don't believe I've ever been in the presence of anyone who had shown such gratitude for a service being provided for them than these courageous cancer patients. The smiles and positive outlooks that shine through leave me humbled and acknowledging that my current life issues are really very insignificant in relation to those of my new friends. I've also been privileged to hear about each individual's personal faith and outlook for their journey, which is often uncertain. I'm privileged to offer encouragement and to thank them for blessing my life.

So, HOW can I NOT be a volunteeer driver for Road to Recovery? Oh the many blesings and lessons I would be missing!

(If you would like to become a R to R volunteer, please contact your local Cancer Society.)

booksALIVE Festival Gulf Coast College Feb 2010

2010-01-20T09:57:00.000-08:00

Thrilled to be an invited author to the booksALIVE Book Festival by Bay County Public Library & held at Gulf Coast Community College Feb 5 & 6, 2010. For more info see http://www.booksalive.net/tainsh.html

Hopice of the Emerald Coast January 19

2010-01-20T07:32:00.000-08:00

Thank you Karen, Emerald Coast Hospice Volunteer coordinator, for inviting me to give you January presentation for your volunteers. What fun I had presenting a program on the history of volunteerism and how volunteering benefits you and me. In a room of 20 wonderful hospice angels I shared my experiences of volunteering in various areas and how we have all been volunteers in one manner or the other since we were kids. Whether helping the teacher clean the chalkboard, helping another student read or in high school, helping with bake sales and school events. As parents we've helped with PTA, Little League, and Sunday School. As older adults we've chosen organizations that mean something near and dear to us that causes us to give of our time, talents, and compassion. I gave a powerpoint presentation with info regarding volunteerism in America and how our health benefits because we choose to be volunteers. I, with my husbands help, created a golden angel with sparkle wings to provide to each hospice volunteer. At the end, I had the group "toot their own horns" (literally) by blowing the party horns I provided them. Happy New Year and thank you for giving to others freely!

Guest Speaker Immanueal Baptist Chruch Jan 12

2010-01-20T06:51:00.000-08:00

I want to thank the Immanuel Baptist Church senior adults group for having me as their guest speaker on January 12. I was blessed by the response of others who have suffered the uhtimely death of a dear loved one to my message on the Lord's Prayer. To be told that words in my talk were words someone needed to hear and validated many of their own emotions gave me validation that I was where I was suppose to be on that day at that given time.

A note from Mrs. Greeson: "Deborah your message touched hearts. Our members still speak of you. We look forward to a time when we can invite you back again."

HOLIDAY INSPIRATION FOR JINGLED NERVES PART 1 Humor

2009-12-10T06:33:00.000-08:00

I want to thank Bettina of Bay County Library and Frank of the Panama City Beach Library for allowing me to bring presentations to their facillities on Monday and Tuesday evening, Dec 7 & 8th. And I want to thank those who attended the 1 hour 15 min event that allowed me to rouse some laughter while also sharing a few of my personal stories regarding holiday stress and providing tips from various sources that help to relieve stress, anxiety, or jingled nerves!

I'm sure many of you are familiar with John Tesh of the radio program, "Intelligence for your Life", well my ambition is to do the same. I want to bring positive helpful information along with smiles, laughter, and time well spent with you.

So, for a bit of laughter, here's a joke I found:
To All Employees
From Management
Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season

Effective immediately, employees should keep in mind the following guidelines in compliance with FROLIC (the Federal Revelry Office and Leisure Industry Council)

Running aluminum foil through the paper shredder to made tinsel is discouraged!

Playing Jingle Bells on the push-button phone is forbidden (it runs up an incredible long distance bill!)

Work requests are not to be filed under "Bah humbug."

Company cars are not to be ussed to go over the river and through the woods to Grandma's house.

All fruitcake is to be eaten BEFORRE July 25.

Egg nog will NOT be dispensed in vending machines.

In spite of all this, the staff is encouraged to have a Happy Holiday!
***************************************

So, a friend shared that when her son was nine years old he sat out cookies, milk and a beer for Santa. The next morning the youngster came racing to his parents yelling, "there really is a Santa!" His mom said, "well how do you know?" Because Santa only drank half the beer. If it had been dad, he'd have drank the whole thing!"
*******************************************************

Regarding Humor: Dr. Steven M. Sultanoff, a clinical psychologist in Irvine California says that "The experiences of humor relieves emotional distress and assists in changing negative thinking patterns."

Well, here it is Christmas, 2009, where we are all living with many uncertainties and each of us have our own concerns and emotional situations to cope with.

We're living with "Jingled Nerves" . So, okay I found this little re-do of Jingle Bells on the net by Amy Scholten in an article for the Swedish Medical Center in Seattle Washington.

Dashing through the snow
In a mindless fit of fray
Through the malls we go
Rushing all the way
Horns on Hondas blast
We have to geet home fast!
What fun it isw to bake and wrap
Thank God it doesn't last!
Jingled nerves, jingled nerves, jingled all the way!
What fun it is to bak and wrap, Thank God it doesn't last!

During the Christmas season we can get our underwear pulled up in some very uncomfortable places! Literally a pain in the you know what!

There's the decorating, shopping, parties, kids plays, church events, crowds, family gatherings, clutteer, roller coaster emotions and for our military families the anxieties and stresses are above the norm because a spouse is thousands of miles away in a war zone.

Speaking of military spouses, I am one, well retired now...but I've been there don that when my husband was active duty Marine Corps and we were based in Southern California.

Dave seemed to always be deployed in November, just prior to Thanksgiving. A couple of stressful holiday events come to mind:

In 1988 before Dave deployed our oldest son Patrick, became angry at us for some reason only known to a 16 year old who believes their reasoning tops any thing including a nice warm home, good food and all expenses paid...but in his reasoning and fit of anger, he slipped from the house, took his cool candy apple red 1966 Chevy Malibu with roll & tuck leather seats to a used car dealer to try and sell it for a ticket to fly to the east coast to his grandmother's home...Yep it was APB time!

Then there was the time when both our boys were back east visiting relatives and I was alone. Now I worked and was always early to arrive at the office. On this given morning I went into the garage to iron a blouse. When finished, I turned the door knob to return inside the house, but lo and behold, the door was locked! I couldn't go out the garage door because back then we didn't have a garage door opener. We couldn't afford one since it already took my entire monthly paycheck to make the mortgage!

Fearing the girls at the office would think something had happened to me because they knew Dave was deployed and the boys were away, I looked at the tool box, grabbed a hammer and started smashing the door knob. Pieces fell out, but apparently not the correct piece that allowed the lock to give. In more of a Jingled Nerve mode, I picked up the axe and proceeded to hack away at the rest of the door knob pieces until every single nut and screw fell to the floor along with a few chunks of wood from the door itself!

I rushed into the house, called the office, and confirmed with the girls I was fine and would be to work shortly to explain my delay. Of course I went immediately after work and order a garage door opener and installation from Home Depot and called a friend and asked if he'd come replace the door knob, which he so graciously did.

Later that evening I spoke with another wife of our unit and told her what had happened. Now news travels fast among military unit spouses and such. It wasn't long before I received a call from my husband in Japan asking how in the world I'd locked myself in the garage!

And the unit monthly news letter was headlined with 1st Sgt's Wife Axes Her Way Out of Garage!

Yep, these are a couple of my Jingled Nerved and looking back now, funny moments as a military wife, but my stress was nothing compared to other military wives such as my young cousine currently in Ft. Richardson, Alaska with 3 young children while her husband is currently serving in Afghanistan.

I am so proud of her as I read little tid bits on facebook that reflects how she is coping courageously through having fun and laughing with her kids whether they are taking photos of one another to post or talking about a movie they saw and having fun with comments and laughter by joking around. And that she also allows her frustration to show a bit through the words she leaves about how much she misses her husband. I believe she sets a good example of working to balance her life as a military wife, mom, and also a woman who holds down a job and manages to get her kids to activities important to their life.

To our military families, spouses, children, and parents of those serving...thank you all for your service, sacrifice, and dedication.

***********************************

Comments for Heart of a Hawk

2009-12-06T07:25:00.001-08:00

I want to thank Telina, a military wife at Ft Richardson Alaska and Gerald of Locust Grove, Ga for their wonderful comments about Heart of a Hawk. Please go to comments beneath the Heart of a Hawk Blog to read.

WHJG Noon Show Channel 7 Interview November 23

2009-12-05T19:49:00.000-08:00

I appreciate the interview on November 23 to discuss Heart of a Hawk and RIZE & SHYNE Presentations. To see the interview please click the link. At the site, go the right side to the "video screen" and beneath scroll to look for In Studio: Heart of a Hawk Local Author

101.1 Talk Radio with Burnie Thompson

2009-12-05T19:11:00.001-08:00

It's always such a wonderful pleasure to be on the show with Burnie Thompson's Talk Radio program, 101.1, Northwest Florida's FM Talk Station. On Friday, December 4, from 8 to 9 a.m. Burnie allowed me to remind the listening audience about our millitary families and our men and women serving on our behalf far from home. As the wife of a retired U.S. Marine I know the extra stress and melancholy that comes with our traditional family Christmas holiday. I spent a number of Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays with my husband 8,000 miles from home. As a military mom I know the anxiety of having a child 8,000 miles away in a war zone during the holidays. I now have a young cousin with 3 young children stationed at Fort Richardson, Alaska while her husband is serving in Afghanistan. When we talk or chat on Facebook, I can tell the anxiety she is experiencing and do all I can to give her a lift. "This too shall pass!" Although at the moment it doesn't seem so.
I also ask everyone to remember the families who have suffered the ultimate sacrifice as well as anyone else known to be grieving through the holidays due to the death of a loved one. I reminded listeners to please acknowledge anyone they know who may be going through such grief, especially at this time of year. Give them a hug and don't be afraid to talk about the deceased loved one, and if anyone is afraid to mention the deceased loved one, just ask the person grieving if they would like to talk about their loved one. Believe me, this is a beautiful gift to most of us. Most of us don't want our loved ones forgotten or not spoken of, especially those like my husband and I who have suffered the death of a child. I also advise the grieving to give others permission to speak of their deceased loved one. This may sound odd, but our society does not teach how to handle grief from either side, the grieving or the observer, we all learn as we go along. My neighbor who lost her 19 year old son in a car accident over a year ago shared with me that it seemed at the family Thanksgiving gathering that some seemed to want to tip toe around and not talk about her son. I asked if she had thought of giving them permission to do so, because they are simply afraid that they will upset her or her husband or other young son. It was as though a light came on for her. She had never thought about doing such a thing, but it made perfect sense after we talked about it. These two small things can keep anyone from feeling like they have to walk on eggshells and keep down any hurt feelings or misunderstandings.
So, Burnie, thank you for letting me share time on your show! I look forward to the next time.

MESSAGES ABOUT HEART OF A HAWK

2009-11-19T21:05:00.000-08:00

Thank you to those who leave inspiring comments about our family story, Heart of a Hawk. Your purchase of Heart is a contribution to the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors of military personnel & the Good Grief Camp for Kids held each Memorial Weekend in Washington, D.C.

For more info, see: www.heartofahawk.com

CONTRIBUTING TO GREAT BRITAIN'S FORCES POETY - VOICES OF THE POPPIES

2009-11-19T16:45:00.000-08:00

I was honored a while back to be asked to contribute a foreward and poem to a publication of poetry by Forces Poetry in Great Britain. Voices of the Poppies, is a compilation of poems dedicated to those who have fallen on the battlefields in the name of freedom. Voices contains poems of yester year and poems by familiy members in England enduring the journey through the wars of the 21st century. To learn more about this book of poems or to submit your own poem to Forces Poetry, please see the website: http//www.flowforall.org/voicesofthepoppies.asp

NEWS HERALD ARTICLE PANAMA CITY FLORIDA

2009-11-18T14:14:00.000-08:00

Thanks Daniel Carson for writing such a good article about Heart, November 16, 2009.
Readers, please see this link:
http//www.newsherald.com/news/son-79112-iraq-journal.html

VETERAN'S DAY RADIO INTERVIEW COUNRY 103.5 MANKATO MN

2009-11-18T12:56:00.001-08:00

Thanks to my dear friend, Wild Bill McKubby, former Columbus, Georgia Country Music DJ now at 103.5 in Mankato, Minnesota for letting me tout my military mom & pride message and our book Heart of a Hawk on his show on Veteran's Day. Listen to my interview by clicking the following link to the Bill & Jessi Show Sound Byte

http://www.country103.com/

Photo of Bill & beautiful wife Marilyn wedding shower at our home in Georgia, 2007,

PANAMA CITY WRITER'S GUILD NOVEMBER 17, 2009

2009-11-17T20:56:00.000-08:00

A note of thanks for the ladies who are the backbone behind the Panama City Writer's Guild. Barbara Mulligan and Martha Spiva, co-founders, and Linda Nix, co-chair. Thank you for asking me to be a recent guest speaker to share my marketing experience and give tips to others. I look forward to testing out a 30 minute writing activity at future monthly meetings.

Meeting Mike Huckabee Nov 15, 2009 Borders Books

2009-11-17T20:21:00.000-08:00

The last time I met Huck I arrived late and stood for two hours in a line moving like a snail. This time I arrived two hours early, took a seat on the floor between two other ladies where we chatted until Huck arrived. When I came to the table where books were being signed (A Simple Christmas) I told Huck I had met him the last time he came to Borders at Pier Park, then I laid down one of my Heart of a Hawk bookmarks and ask him if he remembered...He responed with wide eyes and placed his hand on his heart and told me he remembered and how much Patrick's story meant to him and his family. Huck had sent us a letter last December telling us the same. The letter is here on the blog. This validates for us that our willingness to share our "dysfunctional family" and Patrick's life from rebellious surfer and snowboarder to the "unlikely" war hero is a story that others connect with.

First United Methodist Church Speaking Engagement

2009-11-17T18:06:00.000-08:00

This morning the Panama City Florida UMW of First United Methodist Church on 6th street were warm and gracious when I arrived with my "roadee friends" Glyn & Edna. Martha Spiva, my dear friend from Panhandle Writer's Guild and Bethel Village Women's Center, a program of the PC Rescue Mission,introduced me to the group after we enjoyed a snack. It is wonderful to stand in front of a group and know they are receiving your message. My Topic, Heart of the Lords Prayer, also published on this sight, was received with open hearts and wonderful comments to me after the closing. I left the engagement with a happy heart! Sharing my family journey and how faith and seeking God's will for our lives in the wake of grief always lifts my spirits. Thank you Ladies for the gift you gave me and my friends. Your kindness and warmth. Hope to see you again soon. God Bless you and yours with continued strength and courage through this earthly journey.

Heart of the Lords Prayer

2009-11-16T21:11:00.000-08:00

By Deborah Tainsh

TUESDAY NOVEMBER 17, 2009

Faith is the vision of the heart.
It sees God in the night as well as in the day.

Mark 11:22-23 – Jesus told Peter to Have faith in God. (23) Followed by “I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, Go, fall into the sea. And if you have no doubts in your mind and believe that what you say will happen, God will do it for you.” (New century version)

For many it is truly easy to proclaim to be a person of faith, adore God, give testimony, and smile like the Cheshire cat when their lives appear to glow with the light of angels and answered prayers around us. But when the light is suddenly blown out and darkness falls, confusion can set in.

Thoughts run rampant …I did everything right. I’ve served the Lord…I’ve loved my unlovable neighbor, I prayed with more than a grain of faith for the mountain to be moved, but it fell down and crushed me…. Why, why, why!

I have to admit my husband and I were two who experienced such thoughts after the death of our son in Iraq in 2004. And we have witnessed the same confusion by others in the realm of life that we’ve been a part of as military parents.

One of the first things my husband David swore after we received news about Patrick was that he did not want to hear the name God mentioned because God had let him down. What my husband remembered most from his time of going to church as a child and adult was the verse from Mark 11:22 -23 about mountains being moved with faith as small as a mustard seed.

Granted I was angry at God because I felt he had short changed us with Patrick’s turn in life at 29 from a homeless drug addict to an outstanding U.S. Army Cavalry Scout who died at age 33 in battle. I cursed and shouted, dug holes in red Georgia clay while I screamed.

Then on the other hand I knew that God was the only one that could bring us from the depths and help us find sanity and purpose in the madness.

Now of the two of us, I was always the spiritual one in our household. My husband was never one to talk much about God or spirituality. A retired Marine Corps veteran of Vietnam and the 1st Gulf War, his greatest acknowledgement of being a believer was that there were no atheists in foxholes.

With the quiet anger that fell into our home after Pat’s death in 2004, although anger and confusion filled me, I would sit on the back deck of our home in Georgia surrounded by two acres of nature and I would talk quietly to God, seeking peace and direction in our “new norm.”

Seeking what to do to lead my husband from a dark abyss.

I will never understand that verse in Mark about faith and moving mountains…except to believe that Christ meant the mountain of darkness, ie grief, caused by a carnal world where death makes no distinction regarding age and the kind of earthly life an individual lived.

Many of us have experienced being a part of the “unanswered prayer” club when it comes to having loved ones pass untimely from this world to the next …and we don’t know why…

And it is very painful for those like me who happen to be in the presence of another who is glowing in the Lord because they feel that their prayer was answered. Example: Another mom at a luncheon table where I sat a number of months ago made the statement that she had really learned to pray while her son was deployed to a war zone, and he returned home safe. Then she said to me that she didn’t know how those of us went on who didn’t have our kids returned.

It was so hard not to ask her what it was she knew about prayer that I and others didn’t. I wanted to ask her if she ever gave thought that it wasn’t necessarily her prayer that brought her son home, but the will of God and his ultimate plan.

Through the pain of grief and learning to ignore comments of others, I have truly learned the meaning of the only prayer that Jesus ever said for us to pray and this has changed my entire way of looking at the journey here on planet earth where we are all disappointed and pained by many trials. The experience of a parent’s greatest loss and accepting this one prayer has strengthened my faith to “let go and let God’s will” be first in my relationship with Him.

If I believe anything in scripture, this is the one scriptural I’ll hold tight and ever need…

The Lords Prayer :
Matthew 6:10-14 Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, (may your name always be kept holy.) May your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread (our food each day). Forgive us our debts, (sins) as we also have forgiven our debtors (those who have sinned against us). And lead us not into temptation, (do not cause up to be tempted) but deliver (save) us from the evil one. For thine is the kingdom, power, and glory forever Amen.

Matthew 26 reports that in the Garden of Gethsemane Christ became sad and troubled with a heart full of sorrow to the point of death. (Oh how grieving parents feel this!)
He fell to the ground praying, “Father if it is possible do not give me this cup of suffering. But do as you want and not what I want.
Jesus prayed a second time: “My Father, if it is not possible for this painful thing to be taken from me, and if I must do it, I pray that what you want will be done.”

Letting these scriptures fall into an open heart I came to truly understand that as a person of faith in a God and creator that is truly incomprehendable, all I need to grasp for the rest of my life is this simplest of prayers, The Lord’s Prayer, and complete unconditional acceptance of Gods Will in my life just as Christ did. I do add just a few words, and that’s asking for the strength and courage I need to meet His will.

On the journey since Patrick’s death, emotional and marital difficulties have run rampant. I’ve been depressed, I’ve been in a counselors office, I’ve become angry about issues in our nation and world. Life has at times seemed empty and worthless although my husband and I were lead to do what we could for other parents of war who followed our path.

Each time I’ve come to a low point because of a terribly emotional day with myself or issues between me and my husband or for other reasons, I’ve sat down and written a note to my Father in heaven. Told Him exactly how “low” I felt and why, I’ve said the Lord’s prayer, and ask for direction with the needed strength and courage to move forward in His will for my life.

I’ve ask to lead my husband through my own example of faith and spirituality.

You would have had to have known my husband during and a few years after 2004 to truly understand how far he has also come on our journey.

I don’t know how many of you may be acquainted with Dr. Wayne Dwyer, inspirational author and speaker seen often on PBS, but I want to share something I heard him say on a day I was walking on my treadmill feeling angry and depressed about the human condition.

Dr. Dwyer was speaking about how prayer keeps us connected to our source, our Creator God. Without mediation and prayer we drift away from the light of our Source and into a darkness, feeling alone ( I call it my personal hell). Then he also said something that seemed to make more sense to me than anything:

“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

For me this was another way of saying that although we are in this world, we are not of this world.
Hence, the spirit within us so needs meditation and prayer to keep us near the light of our Source and filled with strength and courage to do His will to bring about all that he designed before the beginning of time, and until our time to transition from earth to our celestial home with the Lord.

When all is said and done, and we sit down in quietness, I believe we can truly realize that in this physical world where we temporarily abide, we can travel our journey kicking and screaming, confused, and depressed, or we can simply say, Father, Thy Will Be Done, just give me the strength and courage to accept that will and complete my task.

I truly believe that had these words been pressed more into those like my husband and me who mostly remembered the preaching of having a grain of faith to move mountains, instead of praying a constant chant for Pat to return home safe, we would have prayed from the day Pat left for war just as Jesus taught and we would have humbled ourselves as Jesus did when he prayed in Gethsemane. I believe if we had had such faith and confidence in The Lord’s Prayer and God, the blow to us and those like us would not have been so devastating when receiving news of Pat’s death.

The other side of our coin is that through Pat’s transition from earth to “higher ground”, God has brought us to a place in faith where we needed to be and taught us to Rize Above and Shine through the darkness to honor Him and help others as we continue our physical journey, for planet earth is not a destination, it truly is a journey that can be easy or difficult depending on our relationship with God our Source and Creator, how committed we are to His Will.

Heart of a Military Woman - Stories & Tributes to Those Who Serve Our Country

2009-11-16T16:20:00.001-08:00

I am excited to learn that 3 of my submissions were accepted for the new Heart series book: Heart of a Military Woman. " Through Pride & Faith"; "Momas Like Me"; and "Notes on Grief." Sparkle Press

I will be in Chula Vista California at Borders Books for book signing December 12,2009

BRANSON VETERAN''S WEEK & STARS & FLAGS BOOK AWARDS

2009-11-16T16:13:00.001-08:00

Dave and I were thrilled to travel to Branson Missouri November 4 for the Nov 5 Veteran's Week opening ceremonies where our family book, Heart of a Hawk was awared the Branson Stars & Flags Book Awards Silver Medal for inspirational category.

We recommend all veterans to plan a trip there in the future. Branson honors American's veterans and provides a weeks worth of activities. We were sorry we had to leave before November 10 and the Marine Corps Ball with Oliver North as guest speaker.

Veterans or family members of veterans can make an appointment to video record their stories at the War Museum. These recordings are created for the Library of Congress Military History Project. I did this in honor of my husband USMC retired and our son, Sgt Patrick Tainsh.

We plan to return next year.