By Deborah Tainsh
TUESDAY NOVEMBER 17, 2009
Faith is the vision of the heart.
It sees God in the night as well as in the day.
Mark 11:22-23 – Jesus told Peter to Have faith in God. (23) Followed by “I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, Go, fall into the sea. And if you have no doubts in your mind and believe that what you say will happen, God will do it for you.” (New century version)
For many it is truly easy to proclaim to be a person of faith, adore God, give testimony, and smile like the Cheshire cat when their lives appear to glow with the light of angels and answered prayers around us. But when the light is suddenly blown out and darkness falls, confusion can set in.
Thoughts run rampant …I did everything right. I’ve served the Lord…I’ve loved my unlovable neighbor, I prayed with more than a grain of faith for the mountain to be moved, but it fell down and crushed me…. Why, why, why!
I have to admit my husband and I were two who experienced such thoughts after the death of our son in Iraq in 2004. And we have witnessed the same confusion by others in the realm of life that we’ve been a part of as military parents.
One of the first things my husband David swore after we received news about Patrick was that he did not want to hear the name God mentioned because God had let him down. What my husband remembered most from his time of going to church as a child and adult was the verse from Mark 11:22 -23 about mountains being moved with faith as small as a mustard seed.
Granted I was angry at God because I felt he had short changed us with Patrick’s turn in life at 29 from a homeless drug addict to an outstanding U.S. Army Cavalry Scout who died at age 33 in battle. I cursed and shouted, dug holes in red Georgia clay while I screamed.
Then on the other hand I knew that God was the only one that could bring us from the depths and help us find sanity and purpose in the madness.
Now of the two of us, I was always the spiritual one in our household. My husband was never one to talk much about God or spirituality. A retired Marine Corps veteran of Vietnam and the 1st Gulf War, his greatest acknowledgement of being a believer was that there were no atheists in foxholes.
With the quiet anger that fell into our home after Pat’s death in 2004, although anger and confusion filled me, I would sit on the back deck of our home in Georgia surrounded by two acres of nature and I would talk quietly to God, seeking peace and direction in our “new norm.”
Seeking what to do to lead my husband from a dark abyss.
I will never understand that verse in Mark about faith and moving mountains…except to believe that Christ meant the mountain of darkness, ie grief, caused by a carnal world where death makes no distinction regarding age and the kind of earthly life an individual lived.
Many of us have experienced being a part of the “unanswered prayer” club when it comes to having loved ones pass untimely from this world to the next …and we don’t know why…
And it is very painful for those like me who happen to be in the presence of another who is glowing in the Lord because they feel that their prayer was answered. Example: Another mom at a luncheon table where I sat a number of months ago made the statement that she had really learned to pray while her son was deployed to a war zone, and he returned home safe. Then she said to me that she didn’t know how those of us went on who didn’t have our kids returned.
It was so hard not to ask her what it was she knew about prayer that I and others didn’t. I wanted to ask her if she ever gave thought that it wasn’t necessarily her prayer that brought her son home, but the will of God and his ultimate plan.
Through the pain of grief and learning to ignore comments of others, I have truly learned the meaning of the only prayer that Jesus ever said for us to pray and this has changed my entire way of looking at the journey here on planet earth where we are all disappointed and pained by many trials. The experience of a parent’s greatest loss and accepting this one prayer has strengthened my faith to “let go and let God’s will” be first in my relationship with Him.
If I believe anything in scripture, this is the one scriptural I’ll hold tight and ever need…
The Lords Prayer :
Matthew 6:10-14 Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, (may your name always be kept holy.) May your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread (our food each day). Forgive us our debts, (sins) as we also have forgiven our debtors (those who have sinned against us). And lead us not into temptation, (do not cause up to be tempted) but deliver (save) us from the evil one. For thine is the kingdom, power, and glory forever Amen.
Matthew 26 reports that in the Garden of Gethsemane Christ became sad and troubled with a heart full of sorrow to the point of death. (Oh how grieving parents feel this!)
He fell to the ground praying, “Father if it is possible do not give me this cup of suffering. But do as you want and not what I want.
Jesus prayed a second time: “My Father, if it is not possible for this painful thing to be taken from me, and if I must do it, I pray that what you want will be done.”
Letting these scriptures fall into an open heart I came to truly understand that as a person of faith in a God and creator that is truly incomprehendable, all I need to grasp for the rest of my life is this simplest of prayers, The Lord’s Prayer, and complete unconditional acceptance of Gods Will in my life just as Christ did. I do add just a few words, and that’s asking for the strength and courage I need to meet His will.
On the journey since Patrick’s death, emotional and marital difficulties have run rampant. I’ve been depressed, I’ve been in a counselors office, I’ve become angry about issues in our nation and world. Life has at times seemed empty and worthless although my husband and I were lead to do what we could for other parents of war who followed our path.
Each time I’ve come to a low point because of a terribly emotional day with myself or issues between me and my husband or for other reasons, I’ve sat down and written a note to my Father in heaven. Told Him exactly how “low” I felt and why, I’ve said the Lord’s prayer, and ask for direction with the needed strength and courage to move forward in His will for my life.
I’ve ask to lead my husband through my own example of faith and spirituality.
You would have had to have known my husband during and a few years after 2004 to truly understand how far he has also come on our journey.
I don’t know how many of you may be acquainted with Dr. Wayne Dwyer, inspirational author and speaker seen often on PBS, but I want to share something I heard him say on a day I was walking on my treadmill feeling angry and depressed about the human condition.
Dr. Dwyer was speaking about how prayer keeps us connected to our source, our Creator God. Without mediation and prayer we drift away from the light of our Source and into a darkness, feeling alone ( I call it my personal hell). Then he also said something that seemed to make more sense to me than anything:
“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual beings having a human experience.”
For me this was another way of saying that although we are in this world, we are not of this world.
Hence, the spirit within us so needs meditation and prayer to keep us near the light of our Source and filled with strength and courage to do His will to bring about all that he designed before the beginning of time, and until our time to transition from earth to our celestial home with the Lord.
When all is said and done, and we sit down in quietness, I believe we can truly realize that in this physical world where we temporarily abide, we can travel our journey kicking and screaming, confused, and depressed, or we can simply say, Father, Thy Will Be Done, just give me the strength and courage to accept that will and complete my task.
I truly believe that had these words been pressed more into those like my husband and me who mostly remembered the preaching of having a grain of faith to move mountains, instead of praying a constant chant for Pat to return home safe, we would have prayed from the day Pat left for war just as Jesus taught and we would have humbled ourselves as Jesus did when he prayed in Gethsemane. I believe if we had had such faith and confidence in The Lord’s Prayer and God, the blow to us and those like us would not have been so devastating when receiving news of Pat’s death.
The other side of our coin is that through Pat’s transition from earth to “higher ground”, God has brought us to a place in faith where we needed to be and taught us to Rize Above and Shine through the darkness to honor Him and help others as we continue our physical journey, for planet earth is not a destination, it truly is a journey that can be easy or difficult depending on our relationship with God our Source and Creator, how committed we are to His Will.
