POOH & PIGLET...FRIENDS VS ACQUAINTANCES....

Christopher Robin had a question to ask, and he was wondering how to ask it.

"Well," he said at last, "It's a very nice house and if your own house is blown down, you must go somewhere else, musn't you, Piglet?"

"What would you do if your house was blown down?"

Before Piglet could anything, Pooh answered for him.

"He'd come and live with me," said Pooh, "wouldn't you?"

Piglet squeezed his paw.

"Thank you Pooh," he said, "I should love to."

Anyone who has ever had a friendship like Pooh and Piglet knows how very blessed they are. This type of friendship is a rare treasure, often a treasure never discovered by many people and depends on trust, respect, and compassion.

I have been fortunate in my adult life to actually have experienced the kind of friendship that Pooh and Piglet exhibit through the words above. My oldest best friend and I met in 1984 in southern California when both our husband's were stationed at Camp Pendleton Marine Corps Base. Sherri and I worked at a bank together and both our husband's were Marines. Sherri's husband was an OV-10 Recon pilot who was killed in a flight training accident a few years after we met. I was there the day the chaplain brought word to the bank that Darryl had been killed hours earlier. I was there with Sherri through funeral services and the life she strove to put back together afterwards. I was there when she learned she had cancer and subsequent surgery that prevented her from ever having children. I was there giving my honest thoughts when she met new guys I felt didn't deserve the woman she was. I was there sitting on the floor with her seven or so years after Darryl's death and helping her go through boxes of his belongings that she was finally ready to let go of.

Sherri was there for me when I had marital problems and she never questioned or judged me or my husband. Her doors were always open to both of us. Sherri was there for me when I needed someone to just listen and never try to help fix anything. Sherri was always ready to take in a movie, take a walk or bike ride, go to the beach or whatever was needed for each of us to make it through difficult days. It didn't matter how much dust was on her book shelves, she was always ready to be a friend to spend time together and provide support. Her strength after the death of her husband and surviving cancer always inspired me. Her gentle spirit, openess, compassion, and devotion as a friend who never spoke ill or judged anyone always makes Sherri a treasure to anyone she encounters. She has been my greatest supporter and cheerleader encouraging my writing and story telling.

The irony in our friendship is that we are polar oppoisites in so many ways, but the best of each of us helps the other in trying times and we learn from each other. We can discuss issues with differences and be honest, but never hurt or offended. I could go on and on about my special friendship with this angel God placed in my life over 20 years ago. But I think you get the message. And, by the way, Sherri met her new soul mate and remarried over ten years ago.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 says: "Two people are better than one, because they get more done by working together. If one falls down, the other can help them up.."

I believe this kind of friendship comes through connections that our Creator brings to our paths when were are first true friends with our Creator. Yes, we are his children, but I believe we can also call our Creator, Friend, because we're never alone and when we open our hearts to seek guidance, peace, and joy we are never failed. I know this for a fact, because I have lived my darkest hours struggling with the death of a child during war and how to keep my grieving husband steady. And those who have suffered and endured holocaust camps and prisoner of war camps have the testimonies to prove so.

In my 55 years I have come to truly realize a defining difference between the word Friend and the word Acquaintance and how maybe the word "Friend", as the word "Love", should never be used lightly.

I have tons of acquaintances, but only a few I can sincerely call FRIEND, and these are golden egss in my life. The best of the golden eggs is to be true friends with our Creator, not simply acquainted. Through this true Friendship, one is never afraid to knock on the Creator's door, to be angry with the Creator, to ask the Creator for forgiveness of shortcomings, and guidance to move forward, because this Friend will always lead in the best, right direction if one is willing to hold tight to the only prayer I personally ever need: "Our Father (my Friend), who art in heaven......Thy will be done.... and provide me the strength and courage to live in your will."

We've all heard the saying:"To have a friend, we must be a friend." I thank the Creator today for the old friends and new friends that have been placed in my life. There is also a saying: "Friends are the angels who lift us on their wings, when our own wings are broken."

I know that Winnie the Pooh and Piglet are examples of the kind of friend I want to be and that I want to have surrounding me.

I hope the same for all my readers, and ask at this moment that each of you are blessed tremendously with all the love and friendship you can handle, if only from one sincere person.

Hugs! Deb

What Piglet Says First Thing in the Morning....

From Piglet & Winnie the Pooh:

"When you wake up in the morning Pooh," said Piglet, "What's the first thing you say to yourself?"

"What's for breakfast?" said Pooh.

"What do you say, Piglet."

"I say, I wonder what's going to happen exciting today?" said Piglet.

Pooh nooded thoughtfully. "It's the same thing," he said.

Don't you just love Piglet & Pooh! They do have such wisdom to offer!

If you've never become acquainted with the motivational books, The Taoh of Pooh or Te of Piglet I recommend them. On some of my most difficult days, I've found smiles and inspiration through these two characters.

But for now, here's my thought to share today:

Good morning, Dad! (hope you don't mind, but Dad just sounds so much more personal than "Heavenly Father!)

First TGIF! Thank you for another renewed day, this one with more sunshine here at the beach and I hope in other places.!

Fill me with joy just because I know you have this day already managed including my journey with something exciting.

I know you'll be beside me for any moments of difficulty, including the cranky obnoxious person I may come in contact with, or for those of us here at the beach, deliver us from the rude obnoxious rantings of your young people called Spring Breakers who often try to break our ear drums with loud "everything!" Gotta love 'em! They are still so "misguided" in much! Give us patience! As we give thanks for blessings in our community with their dollars (even though they lack a lot of sense at times!) But most of all, give their parents strength and courage as they don't know all that their lovely children may be up to! And most of all, let lessons be learned from negatives that may befall these young people.

And again for me, I know I'll learn something from each experience I encounter today, even if I don't particularly like all that crosses my path, because just as flowers have to receive manure for fertilizer to assist their growth and become beautiful, so must I be sprinkled with unpleasantness at times so I can grow as a human being that makes honorable contributions to the lives of those I encounter and society in general.

Over all, I know if I let go and let You walk in front of me, all will go well because I'm trusting you for each and every word from my mouth and each step I take to present myself when I meet other of your children today whether that be strangers, clients, friends or family.

So, thanks ahead of time for all you're going to show me today!

Love, your daughter (s) and (sons)

EACH MORNING RENEWED

This week has presented wonderful gifts and experiences in my life. Earlier in the week two new friends I now call "soul sisters" came to my home where we shared a meal and time together discussing events in our life and the faith and trust in God and His purpose that keeps us going. On Wednesday, I had two wonderful experiences, the first was the GFWC (General Federation Woman's Club) in Panama City where the 29th annual Prayer Coffee was held and blessed all who attended. Then I had lunch with another new 'soul sister'.

From these wonderful times of fellowship and sharing amongst ourselves, this morning with much on my heart about the various paths we are each on, the earthly struggles and challenges, I wanted to share a quote and write a prayer for all of us, which goes as follows:

"When we begin to think differently about things, then things begin to change."

Dear Dad (this is what I call my Father in heaven)

Here we are, you daughters and sons!

We know that everyday we wake to a new day for new hope, new beginnings, and new experiences that provide opportunity for us to let our light shine through dark moments as well as in the moments of light.

And that any difficult moments or events are opportunities for our growth as women and men of a deeper, trusting faith and love for you and the hmanity we are part of.

Thanks for this beautiful morning as we walk into a physical world that often fights against the things of the spirit that we desire to reflect for your honor.

Lamentations 3:19-24 reminds us that you are so very near always through the words:

"Lord, remember my suffering, my sorrow, and trouble.

Remember me and think about me.

I have hope when I think of this:

The Lord's love never ends; his mercies never stop.

They are new every morning."

Dad, since we can't possibly know or understand all that occurs here on planet earth and to us individually, and we can't possibly know or understand the thoughts and heart of those we love and who love us, or those we make contact with, we know that you know all things and their purpose and that you know each and every one of your children because each earthly child belonged to you before we ever knew them, and they still belong to you.

Every human belonged to you before we ever knew one another. Place in our hearts what we need to love one another as we are, and to realize that we are each on a path meant for each of us at this very moment with a purpose known only to you.

Help us to move ourselves out of our own way so you can use each of us for your greater good and purpose in others lives, whether that be our spouses, children, parents, or all others whose lives we touch.

With this we know that JOY will fill our spirits simply by knowing that through us you will bring into being your plan and purpose, although often times we may never see or be aware.

And dad, for us women who are married to men who we often misunderstand because they have suffered much pain in life and who have sacrifices much for our country and fellow man, in human form they can often seem distant or negaative for reasons we can't grasp, but you do. You have placed us in their lives for purpose, and they into ours for purpose. Again, help us, as the women you want us to be, help us to be the women our husbands need knowing that through our walk, they will see God and good in us as they have not seen any place else. Remind us that our happiness, joy and laughter does not come for how our husbands (or a wife) acts or reacts, but from our relationship with you as you lead us on our earthly, physcial journey.

Now, Dad, we're letting go and depending on you!

Bless this day and every person, each a child of yours, that we make contact with.

And above all, "Our Father who art in heaven...thy will be done" as you provide the strength, courage, peace, and joy for our march up and on!

Love, your children

All of Us...

WRITING & PUBLISHING

I'm often asked how to go about getting published by those who enjoy writing and feel they have stories (whether fiction or non fiction) to share with others. I begin by asking them to think about who the audience is that they believe will be most interested in their genre of written work. Because as any company has to have an audience and marketing strategy, so must a person who wants to publish a written work. Books do not sell themselves, so we everyday folk who are not of celebrity status or national politician also have to have sales and marketing skills for self promotion.

For the writer who feels they have a great short story, whether fiction or non fiction, they can research various magazines seeking submissions. For novels, books of poetry, short stories, etc. a writer can find many books and articles on how to properly submit a manuscript to a publisher. One can also find on line and in books the submission requirements of any publisher.

From my personal experience, I self publsihed my first book, a memoir, after the death of our son in Iraq. This means I researched different companies on line to learn the costs I would have to pay them to set my book to print and how subsequent royalty percentages worked. I would be waiting until I could walk to the moon to have expected a traditional publisher to publish my first work since I was an unknown and had not attended an Ivy League School.

I already knew who my audiences would be and how to self promote myself which takes a lot of time, energy and expense. But it was worth it to me because of the passion I held to share our family journey in sending a son to war and coping after his death. And also, we found an organization to provide net profits to that benefits grieving military family members.

After my self published work was off the press from authorhouse publishing, I set up my own speaking engagements , book signings, media interviews and set off on my journey with my husband in tow. At an event where I spoke and sold more books than anyone because I wasn't afraid to approach folks and share what my book was about and gain their interest, a representative from a small house traditional publisher (NOT Print On Demand, self publisher) but a traditional publisher took notice and took a copy of my book back to their company in Minnesota.

After several members of their company team read my work, they offered me a contract to publish the book as a 2nd edition, and I took the offer. Because they are a small house, I did not receive any upfront funds, only a little extra help with marketing the book through their avenues of publications to various organizations. I can purchase copies of my own book at a discount, as one can when selfpublished, and make more profit when I sell them at engagements or from the trunk of the car!

Profits from book sells through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Borders, etc usually get a writer about $1.25 per book. Selling without a middle-man can gain $4 - $6 per book, depending on the retail cost and discounted cost to the author.

So, to all who want to write, keep writing if you love it, self publish (publish on demand) if you want to, while you can also send manuscripts for up to years to various publishing companies depending again, on genre and subject matter.

For support, find writing groups who provide honest feedback which can require a writer to have a thick skin.

I believe I read that Nicholas Sparks, popular author of The Notebook and subsequent stories that have been turned to movies, sent many many copies of his manuscript of The Notebook to many many publishers years ago before his work was accepted.

Debbie MaComber known for her knitting club stories wrote for years and sent many many many manuscripts out before her work was accepted.

John Grisham, before fame, went from shopping mall to shopping mall selling his first book to prove he had what it took to write and sell books before his work was picked up by a publisher.

So, writing and publishing...it's hard work, its even harder these days since traditional publishing houses are more in the red than black. So, if for a person who wants to write, wants to share a story...research everything you need to know on the internet about publishing, purchase good books about writing and publishing, learn good marketing and sales skills, speaking skills, lose fear of public speaking, keep on writing, don't give up, and go for the dream...as for me, my stories are those I want to be a testimony of how faith and God has worked in my personal life to inspire others, to help those grieving, or to connect with people in such trying times.

Hence, I continue to blog and write stories or speeches that I can share as soon as I can find the next group I can carry the stories to.

For more info about me go to : http://www.heartofahawk.com/ or google: http://www.deborahtainsh.blogspot.com/

God bless and lead each of you whose dream is to write, publish, and share.

Honoring Military Familes - Hiland Park Baptist Church

Sunday, March 14, 2010, Hiland Park Baptist Church in Panama City, Florida honored thier military families with a luncheon following the church service. I was thrilled at such an event taking place and honored that I had been invited to attend and share a message. I have to also share that this was a definite "God Thing" that brought me to this event because I knew nothing about this wonderful church or its Military Family Ministry until Thursday evening, March 11. I was invited by Jan Evett to attend a GriefShare meeting held at First Baptist Church Panama City where I met Mona, the secretary at Hiland Park. When she learned about my personal journey and ministry, she asked if I could possibly attend the Sunday luncheon. So, today was very special. I and my new Blue Star mom friend, Colleen Greene, whose son Ryan McGlothlin is currently serving with the U.S. Marines 1/6 in Afghanistan, attended the 10:30 a.m. service. The music and service were incredible and spirit filled. I didn't think I'd have any dry makeup left by the end of the service. At noon, the military families, military family ministry team and pastor came together in the fellowship hall. Sincere loving and grateful messages and prayers were spoken by two of the church pastors. Following lunch and introductions of each military family present, I was honored to briefly share a bit about my family, provide the history of Blue and Gold Star families (those who serve (Blue Star) and those who die (Gold Star) during war time, and ask for blessings of strength and courage for all our military families. I concluded by presenting a Blue Star service flag to the church to teach others its symbolism. What a wonderful and blessed morning.

"A Veteran...

is someone who at one point in his life wrote a blank check made payable to The United States of America for an amount up to and including their life."

God bless our men and women in uniform, the greatest ambassadors our country can have.

Humor & Faith Through Trying Times

I want to thank the Emerald Coast Women's Club, Panama City, Florida for having me as their guest speaker today, March 11, 2010. What a pleasure to meet a group of wonderful business women whose motto is "Women Helping Women" and whose major objective is to provide scholarshiips to women age 23 and above to help further higher education. This wonderful group held their annual "Death by Chocolate" event at the Marina Civic Center one week ago and raised over $15,000.00 for scholarships.

I was honored to bring a message about humor and faith through trying times to the group. And I am grateful for the responses I received that once again validated that God is guiding me to bring inspirational messages that benefit others.

Lynn Kandler, to my right is mom to a United States Marine who recently returned from Afghanistan and is currently at 29 Palms California. Among the group are others who have served as military wives and children. I so appreciate their support of the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors of Military Personnel and Good Grief Camp for Children of the Fallen by purchasing copies of my book, Heart of a Hawk.

To add a bit of humor I called my speaking topic: "Lord, am I really to thank you for these hot flashes?!" I brought what I called "Hot Flash Survivor Kits" for each lady that contained:

A piece of chocolate for that craving

A "Hot Stuff" fan for fanning away that hot flash

A handy wipe to dab the sweat

Some play dough, a color crayon, and coloring sheet for moments of stress and anxiety

A card with some inspirational words to refer to under any circumstance

And a party whistle to make noise at the end of the presentation in celebration of International Women's Day, Monday March 8

So now, I share my talk here...

Does anyone here have a problem in learning to give thanks to God in all things, especially the bad, and mean it?

Reminds me of the story of the young boy who said grace as the holiday meal. "Thank you God for my family, for the turkey, the beans, the potatoes, the pie and cool whip. Then he hesitated a moment, looked at this mom and said, 'if I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know I'm lying?'"

Well ladies, No matter how I strive to be the woman God wants me to be down to First Thessalonians 5:18: "In every thing give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. Give thanks with a grateful heart..."

There is absolutely no doubt that God know I'm lying every time I say "Thank You Jesus" when heat rushes from my head to toes and sweat gushes through my pores while I'm trying to remove all clothing acceptable for decency in a public place, then in a manner of minutes redress to stop the chills!

And what is it with tossing covers off and on during the night, having my feel feel like they're against hot coals one moment and freezing the next! I have to keep a small fan running on the bedside table so I can lean into it in the middle of the night to cool down! Forget 8 hours of good sleep!

One thing for sure, at least I can honestly say I've matured into one hot woman! And I can drive my husband crazier than when I was 29!

Now, when I'm NOT having a moment of temporary insanity as occurs often during these hot flash moments, I do believe that "All things work together for a purpose" becasue "God's ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts" and after all, this is Planet Earth where being human can get pretty rough.

Well, woman that I am, I decided to research the purpose of hot flashes and I found some very interesting information.

One: I've decided that instead of trying to get my regular doctor to help me understand this hot flash and sweat stuff, I'm switching to a veterinarian referred to as DogtorJ.com who wrote a wonderful piece called: Hot Flashes -- A Sign of the Times:

He says he wrote this in response to repeated questions about the role of hot flashes in menopause and stated that like everything our body does, hot flashes do serve an important purpose! I really don't understand all he was saying in this paper, but it made more sense than anyone else has provided!

Two: from another .com article, according to some medical anthropologists who did work called Menopause Relief Project in Fiji, I learned that hot flashes and profuse sweating of menopause is not universal among women of all cultures...and that we Western women have more problems because unlike Fijian women, we wear bras so tight we can't breathe correctly, and because we're perspiration phobics, unlike Fijian women who perspire freely, we're preventing poisonous toxins from leaving our bodies by use of antiperspirants!

Hence! Hot flashes and sweats! Our bodies take over to do its best to keep us from being poisoned by junk from foods we western women intake along with the confusion of estrogen and progesterone levels as we get older.

The article also reiterated that one of the most critical functions of the human body is to eliminate toxins via lungs, intestines, skin, kidneys, and our monthly monster.

And when our monthly monster begins to cease, it's important for menopausal women to use the bathroom regularly, drink plenty of fluids, urinate when needed, breathe and perspire freely!

So, what I gathered is that we have to be willing to take better care of ourselves by going to the bathroom immediately when the urge arises, do not impair our ability to sweat freely or to breathe correctly (get rid of the bra!) Because when we impair our body, it takes revenge through hot flashes and sweats to get rid of those nasty toxins!

Wow! Now, don't we all feel so much better! There is a perfect purpose for these awful inconveniences! Thank you Jesus for hot flashes and sweats that remove toxins from my body!

I'm sure you all realize that I've used this as a means to create an analogy to see that purpose does exist in all things seemingly bad as well as good to the human perspective for life on planet earth.

Not one of us is immune to all sorts of hot flashes and sweats from inconvenient aggravating moments to the larger anxiety filled and painful life changing events.

I believe that just as menopausal hot flashes and sweats serve the purpose of a greater good for the female human body, so do other hot flashes and sweats of life serve a greater purpose for each individual's journey, although such events are not seen by the human eye as would wish to see and understand.

One of my favorite quotes is by speaker Wayne Dyer who is frequently seen on PBS. "We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, we are spiritual being having a human experience."

Lord, I was so happy the moment I heard him say that. I was at a fitness center walking uphill on a treadmill watching Wayne on the tv in front of me. This occurred a few months after the death of my stepson in Iraq, my husband's only biological child and namesake. Wayne's words made me feel lik an anvil had been removed from my shoulders! The HOT FLASHes of LIFE on planet earth suddenly made sense!

But I personally found that to truly grasp and believe this, to me the unexpected Hot Flashes and Sweats head on, and to rise above the aggravations, pain, and frustration of being human on planet earth, I had to return to my source, my creator of the univrse and ask for peace in my heart and spirit that I couldn't give myself or gain from any other human or worldly material thing.

Through time and reaching to my creator to lead and show me how to use the awful hot flash and sweat of experiencing the death of a child, I have found peace, my husband has found peace, and we have been led to mentor other parents across the country who have experienced our same heartbreak.

Through our book, Heart of a Hawk, that I have here today for purchase, we are able to carry Patrick's legacy forward and provide proceeds from book sales to the Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors of Military Personnel and Good Grief Camp for Children of the Fallen headquartered in D.C.

We have found joy and laughter again, even through 3 beautiful canines that are now our children!

We have been provided a path into a community where we always hoped to live. We don't know all the answers of why "Hot Flashes & Sweats" of life have to occur, except for "we ain't in heaven yet!", But I do know enough in my spirit and heart to hold to my faith that "All things do work together with purpsoe" whether I learn the purpose in this life time or not; and that to let my light shine and to seek God's guidance even through my greatest darkness is where I have opportunity to truly show my faith in God and belief in his ultimate purpose.

The tough times allow me to see the Creator's work in my life that helps me to grown and become a better human while a resident on planet earth. For this is not my permanent home.

One of my favorite Bible verses is Psalm 119: 18 - 19: "Open my eyes that I may see wondrous things; I am a stranger on earth." And another, Proverbs 17:22: "A happy heart is good medicine and a cheerful mind works healing, but a broken spirit dries up the bones."

I know it's difficult to pray and find reason or a happy heart, laughter and a cheerful mind during difficult times, however, it is my hope that next time you experience a "Hot Flash & Sweat" of any kind, you will stop for a brief moment, take a deep breath, and say "Thank you Lord. I don't know the purpose of this miserable moment, but help me rise above it and help my light shine as the woman and witness of your love and guidance that I'm meant to be."

Thank you for your comments!

I want to thank Jan P and Kathy W for sending me wonderful comments regarding Saturdays retreat at First Presbyterian Church in Lynn Haven. Your words validate for me that I am doing what I believe God has led me to do. I thank Him for allowing me to share my family journey, testimony, and faith while sharing laughter and fellowship.

From Jan P: Dear Deborah, thank you so much for your presentation at First Presbyterian Church in Lynn Haven. I must admit I was shamed into going by a friend and am I ever so glad that she did that. I needed to hear the presentation and participate. It brought me moments of special joy when I heard Patricia speak of her son, Drew who I work with. You are an amazing woman. Thank you for all you are doing!

From Kathy W: All I can say is ...WOW!
What a wonderful weekend and blessing I received from you! That was all everyone kept talking about at church. Plus, there are some "God Things" that happened on Saturday that different people shared with me. I was just overwhelmed and then to come in and share it all with my coworkers was like living it again!

I want to also thank Kathy Welsh for sharing with the group that since she read my book Heart of a Hawk and getting to know Patrick, she will never again look at a man or woman in uniform in the same way as she did before. This brought tears to my eyes as this validated, once again, that writing and sharing our family story and Pat's life as a once rebellious son turned honorable U.S. Army Cavalry Scout was God's will.